That red coloured feeling I used to hate.

.
I threw it down the alley
When i thought it was useless

I threw it down hard
that it broke into pieces

I threw it down hard
A long long time ago

I threw it away fast
My hands were all full

Now that my hands are all empty
I need a full heart

I am looking back down
Now time has flown away

I am creeping down the alley
to get them broken pieces

I got no piece
The alley has been cleaned

Now I need it bad
But i have thrown it all away
.

Getting them answers.

.

Yes, I am getting old.
Do i need a makeover?

Yes, the days are getting short.
Do I need a change of work?

Yes, the knots are getting broken
Do I need an relation - guru?

Yes, my belly is getting bigger
Do i need a work out regime?

Yes, my tongue loves to shell a lie
Do i need a moral instructor?

Yes, the alcohol is still my soulmate
Do i need a rehab?

Yes, my vision is filled with pessimism
Do i have to be an optimist?

Yes I have a bad bank statement
Do i need a consultant?

The woman who had a makeover.
The friend who changed the job.
A man whos been to the doctor.
The man who has a six pack.
The vicar at the church.
The perfect teetotaler.
The optimist man.
The man with a 7 figure account.

I met them all.

And my questions remained
answered.

Non - drunken musings - II

.
The happiness of not sharing
and enjoying it

is better than the happiness
in sharing
.

Drunken musings - II

Non - drunken musings - I

.
Feels like quitting on my blog again.
.
.
At least until i restart again
.
.
At least until i feel sane again
.
.
At least until i log in again
.
.
At least till i wish again
.


.
At least till i know what i am writing
.

The other side

.

The summer rain gives occasional surprises for sure. It was another cold evening, and unlike the usual routine, i was sharing a table with three of my colleagues. The roof top restaurant/bar was fine, but lacked good service. But it gave a clean, nice view of the national highway down, which i cross at least six to seven times a day. My thoughts dissolved into the work to be completed, and the food and the beverages that are yet to come.

There was this loud, sudden thud, minus the screech of tyres that accompany it, probably due to the rain and the wet road. The highway below was notorious for its accidents and hit and run incidents. As I jumped into the view, I was expecting to see another car, bashed into the bottom of another car, which was business as usual.

But there was this man, in his late twenties, hit, thrown into the road. I hoped to see a bit of life, a cry, at least a bit of movement of his limbs, but all i could see was the motionless body. The windshield was crushed, the face sunk in blood. I saw the driver coming out, people rushing in, and the body being rushed to the hospital, in the same car.

I dont know if he is alive, but if he is not, I just saw a life being taken away. Death comes in at the most unexpected time, may be, thats one good thing about it (for the person who dies)

What I saw did make me restless. Not that I am seeing an accident for the first time. In fact, I have thrown a bike rider into air with my car. I have seen blood, have seen live accidents a lot. Have seen people suffering, at my visit to the Medical college.

But, this one was different. It was not the fact that "this person could be dead" that affected me. Its just that, I , could be in his shoes, of the victim, as well as the car drivers. it could have been me crossing the highway. It could have been me driving the car. It could be me, who spends the rest of my life paralyzed.

Its just the understanding, that the other side of life could be death. Though I always wanted the other side, I know things could be different on the other side.

Yes, the grass seems to be greener only from the other side. And mirages do recur in my vision.

But why is it that I know it, and still..

Its better on the other side?

Shadows

.
Sometimes, its your own shadow that scares you the most.
.

The rush

.
To be someone
To be something.

But time scuttle faster
To take you where you belong
.

Dumpos are for ever.

I remember the anxious eyes
and the confused gesture

"Did you get my letter?"

I remember the innocent eyes
Which leaked at every possible cause

"When will you stop it?"

I remember the fun filled evenings
And the nature trecks

"How long will it last?"

I remember the hard fights
Over the expected phone calls

I remember the make ups
and the knot tied and untied

"How long is it to the next fight?"

I remember the usual humm
When you are out of money to call

"I am still a student"

And I remember the usual hmmmmm
When you have the job

"I spent it all"

And I still remember the 3 month thing
Which you are so good at

"May be its a year after my marriage"
Grrrrr

And I normally forget the good times
and the times when we talked

which was just enough to keep it going
all these ten years of knowing

And it was not me, who kept it going
I owe it all to you.



(Now this post doesn't have anything to do with love, or marriage or friendship - just in case if it sounds like it. )

28

.

Jim Morrison
Kurt Kobain
Janis Joplin
Jimi Hendrix
Brian Jones

I wish I were one of them.

But then, I am 28 today.

(For those who dont know, they all died at the age of 27.)

.

The Past

.
.
Past flies close to oblivion.
When I need it the most.
.
.

Feeling like.

The ability to feel like/feeling like something must be the most fascinating feeling in life.

Cant make out if I made any sense. (not that I makes sense out of my 'thoughtful,' alcohol induced(not always, though) statements)

I desperately need some feelings.

The feeling of chilled wind caressing my face, leaking through my hair to the other side, cooling down an agitated and frustrated stream of thoughts, hidden deep inside my mind.

The feeling that calms me down, when i drive slowly in the middle of the night, along the highway, riding up the western ghats, while it rains heavily outside.

The feeling of excitement, long lost.
The feeling of aggression.


The body discarded by its soul, flown presumably, to heaven or hell or wherever.
The body with a failed set of sensors and lost emotions.

Hard to spot a difference.
I prefer to be the first one.

. End of a feeling .

The Spoiler

.

Is it okay if I throw you a surprise party??

.

The rules

.
The world has no rules.

What you have is what you get.
And what you get is what you have.
.

Calling it a day

_

Sometimes,
Calling it a day is a good option.

_

Drunken Musings - 1

'
I do miss a holding hand
Even though I prefer to live without it.

'

Dreams

.
..

I still do not believe in dreams.

I do not believe in things in which
favourite ones are the
hardest to occur.

..
.

Fly

..

The ostrich
might not wish to fly

The elephant
might not wish to rule the jungle

The Lion
might not wish for a palace

The mountains
might not wish to conquer the skies

I Aint them.
therefore I wish.

I aint the good
therefore I can.

I aint bounded
therefore I fly


I aint sane
Therefore I think.

..

(No i am not drunk, but even now i cant make out what i really meant when I wrote this post!! I started writing something on dreams, after the post on dumpos site. And here I am. )

Promises

I am used to it. Promises that never was kept. Not that I planned to break them. While they are made, i find no reason why they cannot be kept. An then, when time comes, everything would go haywire.

I should be re thinking. Since I fail to keep 8 out of 10 promises on a regular basis, I believe I shall be having a re think. May be, I shall not make a promise.

And a new resolution is born.

Only to be broken.

The calm

.
.
Before the storm???
.
.