faded lights and some smoke

::

The more I type, the more backspaces i hit. Its easier in the silicon space, where i put down things in a text area with the help of a cursor and a keyboard. If only things were this easier. If only backspaces got integrated with real life. If only fading the lights and breathing out thin films of white smoke backspaces things.

I know it doesnt. But nothing else does either.Nothing else, can i do better.

::

Memories

::

I would love to erase my memories.
Even then, i might not be able to start over.

::

Unanswered questions.

::


do u think you will be happy if you get answers to all your questions?


::

Sick.

::

Why do I have this feeling that i am getting sick of my own blog?

::

Withdrawal symptoms.

::

Ions. Lots of them. travels through them neurons, creating the illusion of ecstasy, pleasure, pain, and the ultimate orgasm. Ultimately, you can feel good even when someone close to you die. Just that, the ions have to go in a different way to some other place in your funny brain. And you can feel bad for no reason, you can laugh when you are homeless. Just, re route the ions!!

Well, then, it would be possible to do nothing and feel good, you can feel good when lonely, you cannot feel the pain when you starve, and you dont need someone to love you. 

I just need to rip open the brain, re wire the neuron mesh, and feel good doing nothing. 

And when someone feels happy without doing noting, we stamp them lunatic, and treat them. 

::

Martini Without Ice.

::

Bangalore gave me one of the worst throat infections i ever had, but that will not, at any cost hold me from having a sip at Purple Haze, when I am at Bangalore. The music has been getting pathetic these days, or may be, new DJs have joined in, whose taste of music doesnt exactly match with mine. But then, today was fine, the good ol guy who enjoy my kind of music was playing something I liked.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMV-fenGP1g

Refreshing. Its been a long time I heard Van Halen, and not many times have I seen this video.  I asked for a Martini extra dry, stirred, without ice, and that was great.

Right now, you better watch the video.

If it doesnt make any sense to you, nothing will probably.
(Or you can try watching it with a Martini)
::

Addiction

::

The best way to get out of addiction is to get addicted.
and get bored of it.

If you didnt, why do you have to get out of it anyway. ?

::

Summer.

::

The tide brings up the sand you love to feel
And then you make up your mind to heal
But then the bad dream you had the other night
Makes you go down and shut all the light

The rides are all over, and the drive is long gone
The fuel is all burnt and The highways all done,
The hands long for another, and long for that feel
Eyes all gone tired, looks for a kiss to heal

This aint the summer of the dreams
Never was one, in the dreams,
Sweat, is all that remains
as always, as ever always.

::

Things they are a changing

::
Things they are a changing.
Nothing has changed. and will.
::

...

::

Life brings in a lot of options, without a choice.

::

The ever greedy brain.

::

There is always, the next big thing.

::

loo-natic.

::

That right. I joined a firm, and I am designing toilets. Well, electronic toilets. And I am researching on the toilet habits of people all over the world. Like, the things people  can do in a toilet, and how I can design a public toilet so that people cannot use these for the great other purposes, that they usually use it for.

Other purposes?? These signs tell you exactly what.

These things are a no no..

You can, but no sounds permitted.

Dont fish, and dont pee like a dog. Only wonder what they can possibly fish for..

The next thing that got me interested was the toilet signs.. here goes..

Which room will you get in to?? 

Simple, art. Educative. Women has that, and men have these. 

 The universal toilet. Welcome all sexes, aliens, and life form of all possible combinations.  Must be set up by the Men In Black.

In case, you dont know the regional language...

Simple, cost effective, sign. I would like to meet the guy who designed this one. 

 Plenty of open air, Does nt not need electricity, nor water. Very cost effective model. 

 For the twins. Or for whoever they built it for. 

Where is my toilet paper?

 S*** like a king. 

Down the hill !

 For those who eat, drink and **** music. 

 Any comments?

 Well well well.. 

Play while you pee. 

 The perfect toilet. 

 Have no idea which country this is from.

 Creative. very creative. 

 I can see you, but you cant see me.. 

Wash basin. Or does it have multiple functions?

 The best portable toilet. 

Phew.

Now coming to some real good ones... 

 And, the ultimate in loo education.

Never, miss the following tutorial..

::

Happy toileting..

::

Girls of the spoilt kind.

::

I am most comfortable when I drink alone. But then, once in a while, i do get to drink in a group. A group of people I know.  And thats when I have stories coming up.

So today, I get to hear this story this "spoilt" girl. Well, guys use a very different word, and you know what. 

Apparently, the story of this girl did come in the newspaper. I dont know what happened actually, but as the story went, the girl delivered a kid inside the toilet of her college hostel, and killed the kid and left it inside the bucket. The girl comes from an affluent family, and the funny part is that no one, even her roommates didnt know she was pregnant. The girl was hospitalized, obviously bleeding, and with a lot of complications. later, the documents was written in a way that the kid died at the hospital.

Well. this is a story i heard. I have no idea what actually happened. 

There are a lot of questions raised. as to how she could hide the pregnancy. A lots of hows and whys. How a mom could kill her kid. And this and that. Everything about the girl is under question. I asked these questions myself, before jumping in to point the fingers at the girl give her my share of curse. 

How different her childhood be, from the 'normal', the so called 'good' girls? For her to do a different deed than normal, she might have had a different kind of past. Different set of reasons. Different set of people. The realization that accusing her or justifying her doesnt make any difference did haunt me for a while. It doesnt seem to be a gender biased thing. men who commit crimes, kill people, and rape kids come in the same category. Circumstances. And those circumstances are not, created by them. but by all of us. We make fun of overweight people. We look down at underprivileged people. We look at beggars and street children more of a nuisance than as human beings. We dont give them respect as they grow up, and they grow up to rape and kill. 

But, if the girl comes in front of me, will I be able to give her the respect as to a human being? Or should I not give her the respect and look at her as If I have seen the worst creature on earth? Will she be cool headed to take all these positively? or is she going through a rough time? A million girls in this world, and how different is this girl from the others? 

Views keep changing. Girls with different history and size and shape comes in. The fact that we have no set of rules to refine our thoughts drives me nuts. May be, I should not worry about girls. may be, i should stop drinking with my friends. 

::

::

The spec.

::

Alright. i have been having weird insane thoughts as usual.

And last night, i thought of the essential things required for the kind of girl i am looking at - to live with.

1) Should have a job. Cause, i may not have one, most of the times.
2) Should drink.
3) Should not smoke when I am around.
4) Should cook - Nothing fancy required - just the basic stuff.
5) Should have similar tastes like I have in terms of music - MUST.
6) Should be independent. (I am not going to pick you up from the station)
7) Should love long drives. I mean real, long drives.
8) Should NOT be obsessed with clean rooms. If you are, you better clean it up, i aint cleaning anyway.

Well I guess thats it for the essentials.
And yes, should also bear with my :

Big ego.
Philosophical ramblings.
Robots.
Long silences.

Reminds me of the led zep song:

" To find a queen without a king,
They say she plays guitar and cries and sings.

Ride a white mare in the footsteps of dawn 
Tryin' to find a woman who's never, never, never been born. 

Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams,
Telling myself it's not as hard, hard, hard as it seems. "

::

:P

31

::

Thats right. about two hours from now, i will complete 31 years of existence in this world. I didnt expect much from this years birthday. the day was as usual, a couple of people called and wished, and i have no idea how they remembered the day. 

And again, i realized waving a white flag sometimes dont work. The only real wish i had today, was hoping that waving the flag would work. Never mind. screwing up things, is in my blood. 

Happy birthday to me. 

:)

::

Cats.

No animal has amused me more than the cat. Love  em.

I miss my old cat. 

:(

The music blog.

::

Something made me remember that I have a blog on music I like. Well. I quickly logged in, dusted up the pages, and here it goes :

http://www.notesofgray.blogspot.com

You better pay a visit. If you dont, i will know. :P
::

l'amour stupide

::

Guess what i miss these days is a one night stand. 

At least, i would love to believe so.

::

Da Job.

::

Yes.
I am working. For a company. At the capital city of the so called god own country. Nothing big, but comfortable. it is very strange that I am not complaining.

May be, this is the much wanted change. May be, its because I want that distance from many of the people. May be, I want to be estranged myself.

I dont know if I am at peace. but I am drinking everyday these days.

::

The dawn of the dusk.

::

Dusk dawned and there he stood staring at the orange light in the sky. Brisk, shivering rhythm of the heart beat have given way to a calm and composed tune. Nothing seemed to be felt. The limbs could not feel their existence and the brain could not listen to its own thoughts. The skin felt disconnected from the flesh. Thin, long cuts remained undone all over the pale skin. Blood refused to peek out of the cuts and pain refused to hide below the flesh. There he stood, feeling the pain of every single wound, that he took over the years. Some self made, some from friends, and some from people he dont even know. It has been a while he has seen the sun rise, it has been a while since the rain showered on him all over to heal the pain. He tried to take another step. He refused to curse the fate. He refused to even change a muscle on the face.

A squirrel popped out its tiny head out of the small hole in a nearby tree. He has been observing this thin man for years now. As usual, the squirrel climbed on to this shallow branch, to have a closer look at this person. He looked at his face. They seemed to be having this conversation :

" I dont think you can move."

" I know. But you dont need to remind me. "

" Well. You took the wrong decision"

" Well. I have taken a lot of bad decisions."

" And you have hurt people"

" Yes, i did hurt many people purposefully."

" Dont you think you deserve it?"

" Well. may be. But i will still stare at the faint yellow light. I will still want the sky to rain. i cannot change my want, for even what i want is not wanted by me. "

::