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I recently realised i am not that understanding a person.

I still cant understand many things people do.

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Rain In the wind and sun.

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Not every rain comes with a thunder.

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Some clean you up. Clean your mind and soul.

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Some leave your shirt with dirt and mud.

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All depends on where you stand, when it rains.

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grrrr. (Just could not think of a good title.)

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Nothing lasts for ever.

Well, thats the best part of life. If it did, life would have been boring.

real boring.

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Stupid little boxes.

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Yes.

They may not be stupid. But they have tiny switches on them. Yes, with number on it. With speakers on it. I have started to hate this stupid little thing. I have been using them since 98. Yes, I was once proud that I was one of the very few users of mobile phone in calicut when this thing launched.

It was useless then too. Since I was mobile, people could reach me. The antenna of the phone would stick out of the pocket. That was a status symbol. And at one point of time, I was the only one who had a mobile phone in my entire college !!!

Well, that was more than 10 years back. I hardly used it. Outgoing was 12 rupee per minute, Incoming ans SMS were absolutely free. There was only one Service provider, escotel. Then came BPL mobile, and it was then incoming calls were charged.

The point of the post is not the history of mobile phones in calicut. I remember my school days. People didnt even have a land line at their homes. Still everything was working out well. We used to do everything that kids these days do. Yes, may be we could not record intimate moments of people making love. We could not send SMSs and MMS and tintumon jokes. We could not brag about the types of mobile phones each of us had. We could not watch porn on the phones. And I am very happy that we didnt do anything of these sorts then. We had better things to do.

Planing was simple. When we meet, we would say - next week, Sana hotel, 3.30 and everyone WILL be there. We would go to each others house. We were close. We were intimate. We were close to each other with friends. We didnt have time for loose talks. We played around, we travelled. We did not meet too many people, but what we had was enough.

Those were the best days.

Now, when I go with friends to have a coffee, four of us will be talking to someone on phone. By the time the bill come, we would have hardly talked. Everyone have thins thing glued on to each of their ears. People think we cant live without this. Well, even I had this thing glued to my ear for long. But i realised all the bad times I had was due to this stupid thing. Mobile phone have taken a toll on what i was. I am not what i used to be. I have become too pessimistic.

I have stopped carrying my phone these days. It was difficult. Too difficult. I want something to do when I wait for my food at the hotel. I normally eat alone. It was tough without the phone. If I had the phone, i would have called someone, and when I could not get a responce from the other side, i would feel bad. I would then accuse them for not picking up the call. The same thing they do when i dont pick the call.

Well, I am feeling far better. Even thoug it is just two days, I can live without it. I feel peaceful.

I am happy. Nothing is going wrong. I just need to be punctual. I need to use email. Things are getting better without the phone. The younger generation will disagree with me. They cannot live without it. Its because they will never know what they are missing. Because their relationships are mostly built over internet and phones, not in person.

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Solitude. Or may be loneliness.

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its when you befriend the cobweb littered ceiling and the ceiling fan rotating at different speeds.

.

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it WAS a time pass.

I was right.

The nothing.

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I WILL rebuild.

Like I always did

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No

More

Strings.

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....

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It less painful and easy to break a thread when the other side doesnt want to hold.

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I thought so.

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Of National flags and Underwears.

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I was driving, as usual. For no reason, a lady in her bikini came to my mind. Well, an American lady, to be precise. The background was obscure, and so was her face. The only part of her that was clear was the texture of her bikini, which was the american flag.

Well, the point is not the statistics of the lady, nor the color of her skin, nor her whatever. And I dont have any clue as to why this half naked lady came to my mind when I was having a frustrating day in the heat, apart from the hell lot of things I had to manage today.

I searched the net, and found this::

Well, the lady looks good, so do her body, and they are proud to wear their national flag.

And I looked back at ourselves, our nation.

I personally found it awkward for her to wear that, I thought it was a disregard for the flag. A disregard to the nation. To degrade the flag/national symbols by wearing them on places like that.

well.

I disagree myself on the last line.

'places like that'

I rewound my thoughts and corrected myself. As an Indian, I would condemn anyone who wear the tricolour on an underwear. Why, I do not know. May be that was the way I was brought up. But does that have a patriotic element in it??

Am I patriotic? Am I just showing it off??

I stand up at the national Anthem. Well, I honour the flag. I might have cheered for India at a cricket match, or looked forward how the force India team fared. I might have been happy that India won a Gold medal at the olympics.

So, am I patriotic??

I look at the political parties.

They waste millions for rallies. They manipulate govt. servants. They steal crores. They eat infrastructure. They kill. They create riots. They destroy places of worship.

I remember the issues they made on TV when Sachin tendulkar once had the nation flag - badge on his chest. A hell lot of issues were made, and then he was asked to remove it and put it on top of the head, on the helmet. The flag should be above ones head.

The flag, a piece of cloth. The symbol.

Where is your love to the nation??

How many of us will stop littering?

How many of us will start using Indian stuff?

How many of us will stop corruption by refusing to give?

How many of us will simple follow traffic rules?

How many of us will decide to keep our place clean?

I remember the old guy who picked food waste on the road by his bare hands and cleaned the area. I was ashamed to stand back and be a bystander, so I joined him. He was a man at a very high position. The place was Tokyo. He never worried about their national Flag. He never worried symbols of power. He just loved his nation.

How many of us, really do?

Apart from cheering and feeling good when someone in India does something, or some stupid newsparer reporting "Indian students better than Natives in UK" kind of stuff?

And you will get to know why India has a very slow pace of growth. We might be loving our country, but there is a lot of difference in loving our country and being patriotic.

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The ghosts from the past.

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THEY

They have no night

They have no sight

They spare no life

They live no life

THEY

They kill your dream

They sink your heart

They clip your wings

They crush your will

THEY

They stalk your life

They care no tears

They share your peace

They haunt your night

THEY

They cant be killed

cause they are so dead

They

They shall be dead

They shall lay dead

Along with you.

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Square1 again

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do i see a square one again?

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weird.weird.weird.

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I need money.

lots of it.

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Oops. I did it again.

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Well,

I am good in messing things up.

In fact,

I am the best.

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SOLO.

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Solo.

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Go on.

Just go on.

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SOLO.

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...

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body pain.

I never knew I can be that tired that i cant even drive.

That too even without much work in a day.

Signs of a body grown old.

The candle is burning, and i dont have much length left.

And I dont want any length either.

No, i am not talking about the two inches i used to want.

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Believe me, only one person have any idea as to what i am talking about.

Of hidden cams and erections.

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And Sagar hotel had a hidden cam too!!

Hidden on the roof. !!

I dont believe (or may be i dont know) ladies strip their top off in toilets, cause i dont think you can see anything (or anything that you can get an erection with) of the bottom part with a hidden cam on the ceiling, that too in a toilet.

I am not to discuss about the perversion of the guy(s) who have installed it, as thousands of such videos are freely available in the internet.

How do I know??

Of course, i have watched them!
Now have I enjoyed them?

I dont think so.

Hidden cams can be everywhere. In hotels. Well, in five star hotels. So in the future, if at all i will have a girlfriend, I guess i have to bring her home.

But for now, i am going to invent this device which will detect hidden cams.
High hopes !!

I will be rich, if I make one, i guess.


PS:
Yes, I do feel bad about the girls who have been cheated by their boyfriends, who have their intimate moments with their partner broadcasted over the net. People think less about the trauma they go through. I dont know what to do about this, but well, I guess i have to start thinking as to what can be done about this.
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Keywords

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Calvin

Thunder.

Masala Dosha.

shereeee

Karimbu Juicu

Poland

Pottapu

My Girl

Loop

Rajyam

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simple, simple.

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Its been long. In fact I cannot remember the last time. There are times when I would spend an entire day or two at my house, watching TV, eating or may be not eating, and have an occasional gaze to the outside world through the window. Thats when the hardcore outdoor guy becomes the hardcore couch potato. Lazy even to get out of the bed. And then I end up watching soap operas I never watch, just because i am even lazy to use the remote. I wont even eat or drink cause i am that lazy to get out of bed. I sleep and sleep and sleep.

Its been some years that i forgot I had that side in me. I was too busy In things, i guess. I was busy with things , big plans that failed miserably, a series of broken human relations and stuff. I have went far away from my older life when i could be happy with what i have, when i could be happy with myself around me. When I could be happy with the TV shows showing crap. When I could sit the entire day watching a cricket match.

It seems like someone have snatched the remote control of my life and he has pressed the fast forward button. I am having time for nothing, and nothing seems to be enough. And today, when i slept half day, only because i was sick, i felt nostalgic. I woke up to the old window, watching the outside world. I didnt leave my room till evening. I did not work, even though I have a lot of work. I realise I missed my sleep. I realise I am living a lie. I am living the way I did not want to live. I am missing a lot.

I need that peaceful sleep of mine which I miss a lot. I need to be that couch potato again. I need to sleep and sleep and sleep. I need to watch crap on TV. I have to stop feeling guilty of wasted time. I have to waste time.

I need to do lesser things. I need to do simple things, and feel happy about it. These are the days I make complicated things and still doesnt feel good about it. I need to enjoy the beauty of a water drop. I need to feel the breeze. I need to be down to earth. I want to live on the slow lane with inland cards and land line calls. I need to ride my bicycle again. I dont want to use the ATM. I need to stop junk. I want to build a sand castle. I want to make a hand made greeting card and send it to my loved ones. I want to keep my loved ones. I lost them all to my selfishness.

There are far better things money cannot buy. And since I do not have the money either, I guess the choice is obvious. Its time to be simple.

High time.

And its high time I get out of the house. I have someone waiting somewhere at 3:10, and its 2:53 already.

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Not MY problem.

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well, i AM a pessimist.
and I am not confident.

if someone has a problem, its theirs and not mine.
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