Feels like it.

My mind seems to be stabilising. I am surprised it took all these years.. close to 30 years for it even seem like stabilising.

I look back at the life spent. I always preferred to look at the things i liked. I always refused to look at the ugly side.

I am scared.

Rather uneasy.

Rather disturbed.

Scared that i might hate myself. Scared to look back ride through the self realisation that I have been living different than what i really was. I have been overrating myself.

I look back at the blog. I look at the theme it reflects. I can see the darkness it spreads. It comes back to the theme that life doesnt matter much. It radiates negative feelings, most of the time.

Even this post. YES.

I fail to write humour. I tried hard, i couldnt.

I feel like lifting up the spirit of my blog.

I cant.

numb.