Saturday, September 25, 2010

Business as Usual.


With every day, my brain seems to be more disconnected and disoriented. I tend to forget my name, I tend to forget where I am driving to. I am having realistic dreams, in which i can smell the sweat and feel the heat of the burning fire. I have dreams in which i can feel every senses. The images seem to be more clear, and the emotions seem to be more connected than ever. It is like somebody switched my thoughts with my dreams. It is like i prefer to dream than to live. A dream where I can wake up and be relieved. A dream where I can be killed a hundred times. A dream where I will ride the red boat of my choice through brown bricks on a bright night. I dream where I will not see the half naked angels. A dream which can never be true. I cannot soak myself into the whiskey as I used to. Is it that not drinking is making me into a hallucinated being, or is it that I am getting out of my hallucinated wonderland, which i never knew I got into? Is it that I am getting normal like everyone else, worried about the future and the danger in not planning my life by getting married and having the kid at the right time so that I can get my girl child married twenty three years later exactly when I will be retired and my wife will still have an income to run my hospital expenses which I will have to bear? Or is it that I am marching myself with glory into the well known sanitarium i always wished I was in? Where I can live my dream and dream my life without regret or pain or the fear of the future. Or is it that I am just enslaved to the fear of the unknown? I guess I know. I always write my first lines right. May be I should stop after that.

And that was, without one drop of whiskey. (Or wine or rum, or any other spirit that you suspect i might have taken. )


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

getting normal i guess...