To find a queen without a king; They say she plays guitar and cries and sings. La la la la Ride a white mare in the footsteps of dawn Tryin to find a woman whos never, never, never been born. Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams, Telling myself its not as hard, hard, hard as it seems.
(last stanza from "Going to California" - Led Zeppelin)
Yes, after all, new years never used to be great. And there was no element of surprise this time.
I am low, low to the deepest point that I used to be once in a while. Of course there are reasons as usual. But unlike the old times, i do not feel like resorting to anything. Or anyone.
Strange. Not interested in alcochol which used to calm me down. Not even trying to call the very few people who i used to resort to. Not going to EAT. Not gaming.
Not doing anything about it. May be the knowledge that nothing can take me out of this hole i am in right now. May be thats the most special thing about it.
I have been riding the rough seas for more than 8 years now. It was exciting at the beginning, but then i drifted away. The wind took me off shore, and I do not have a compass. I thought I saw the worst seas. I thought I saw the roughest of the waves. I thought nothing worse will come in. I was settling down. Nothing can break me down.
I should have known. I thought I could make it to the shore now that I have seen everything.