Friday, December 31, 2010

nO mOrE






Alright, it is a new year.


Sunday, December 26, 2010

Love Demystified.

Love can be broken down into simple terms. Like the Fourier transform. For people who don’t know, the Fourier Transform breaks down a complex signal to its frequency components. And when you add up all these broken down signals, you get the original signal back. These thoughts came up from my non-alcoholic brain, as I have quit.

Something made me feel like love is NOT complicated as it seems. Breaking it down to all the components, every component has this tint of possession. What makes a wife, different from a simple friend, is the feeling of being belonging o someone. And I guess that is it. It is as simple as that. Love is all about wanting something badly, and in turn we do weird things to get hold of something we want badly.

I can easily compare it to one of the most difficult object I can part with. That is, my Laptop.
Well, I do not have a girl friend now, I am single, but I am comparing this with the times I had one.

LT: I carry my laptop everywhere I can. I love its company. It amuses me and makes time pass easy. I don’t carry it when I hike, or when I go to places I don’t know.
GF: I carry my GF everywhere I can, because I love the company. I don’t feel bored.

LT:When I bought the laptop,  I cared it a bit too much. I bought all accessories, and I cleaned it up every day, and carried it as if it was a piece of gold of that weight.
GF:When I had this girlfriend, I took care of it too much in the initial times. I bought things, and I spent lot of time thinking of her.

LT:I never let anyone use my Laptop.
GF:Well.. I don’t think I would want anyone else to use my girlfriend either.

LT:I get angry when the laptop misbehaves. It upsets me, and I try my best to fix it.
GF:Well. Ditto.

LT:When I see my friend’s laptop, with higher configuration, I get jealous.
GF::D Obviously.

Ultimately, the only difference you can spot out, is the brain thing.  Love with a human being is different because of the emotions that play around. The outputs we get from loving a machine and loving a human are different. You can replace a machine, or make another one. You cannot replace a human. But the point is, is falling in love with a human, worth the pain it gives back? And that pain is inevitable.

I guess I prefer the machine. You know how it works; you know how to make it work. Ultimately, the point is to make ourselves feel good. I do not agree with people who believe making others happy is the point in life. For them they do feel good making people feel good, so ultimately everyone can be rounded off to be selfish. Yes, I am exceptionally selfish. I don’t think I am keen to make people happy.

The arranged marriage IS force full bondage. Whether the couple build up the feeling of belonging to each other, is something that can be left to time and fate. If they do, well. If they don’t, never mind. I do sometime use somebody else’s laptop when mine goes haywire. 


Saturday, December 25, 2010

Sigh. But no sigh.


I have stopped drinking. 

Dont look at me like that. 
NO!!! Its NOT FOR A DAY !! 

its been 5 days now.!, and I am going good. 

It all happened on Dec 19, that fateful day. Well, dec 19 2010 was the third time in my life, i was out of my mind, after drinking. On all other occasions, I knew what I was doing, I was in control. I could walk. I could pay the bill. I can count to 1000 without issues, and I can stand on one leg. Yes. Standing on one leg. That is one feat i demonstrate to people who believe I am out of control when drunk. I stand on one leg, with the other foot resting on the knee of the leg I am standing on, and then start the stopwatch. 60 seconds. No issues.

The first time I was rendered control - less, was about 4 years ago. I didnt drink much, but I tried mixing beer and whiskey. On my way back, I asked my friend to pull over, and threw up as soon as I got out of the car. Later, I was informed that the esteemed venue of my graceful act was right in front of KSRTC, in the full view of the public. I forgot to eat, and the next day, I had to clean the entire house, for you know what. Obviously, I was home alone.

The second time, was in Taiwan. Yes. Blame it on the bottle. That was the Taiwanese traditional drink, and I was at the heart of Taipei. A small band was singing Eagles songs. Even after 6 'large' (1 large = 60 ml) nothing happened. I was a bit disappointed, I thought I should have had whiskey. The host (the guy who paid the bill, and the guy who i am staying with) was rich, and he was taking us in his high end Mercedes. 20 minutes later, did the spirit awake. Damn. Double damn. I could see clouds. I could see multiple objects. I was knocked out. I woke up next day, and I was informed, that I puked all over inside his car, and then all over his toilet, and talked a lot of emotional, philosophical stuff. Well. 

And the third time. Came dec 19, and I had plans to keep it to my usual drink. That is, 120 ml of Bacardi and 30 ml of Gin,  in a wide tumbler glass with salt on the rim and one whole lemon. I binge over the counter, I dont talk much, and everyone is happy with me cause I am calm when drunk, and I tip well. I am a regular at this place, and everyone knows me here. I asked the driver to come in at 9. And then, somebody came by my side, looked at me, and smiled.

Do I know him?? Had no idea, I smiled back. 
30 minutes later, we were talking like we knew for 20 years. He was a total stranger, and I had no idea how much i drank. He left after a while, and the driver called me in.
Damn. I am late. I checked my wallet for the money.

Darn. No money. All what is left is a pair of hundred rupee notes. 
Where the hell is the money?? There is nothing in the card. But where is the money? I remember I took the money, I remember substantial amount as I came in to the bar. 
I ran to the car, checked. Nothing. I ran back to the bar, checked. Nothing. I will get credit here, but then, where is the money? I ran back to car, and on the way, I remember I did throw up.  And when I ran back to bar, I did it again, in the loo. 

"Any problems, sir??" Asked the guy.
"Yes". My money is missing and I did not pay.

"But sir, you did. " And you gave me good tip too. And you paid the other guys bill too. 

I dont even remember that happened. 
Next day I woke up,  My brain was clouded. I had 6 rounds of my usual drink. that will be 720 ml of bacardi and 180 ml gin, 2 prawns fry, 2 fish finger and some king of fish I dont remember. I could not think well on 20th. The brain seemed non existent. 

I felt like I should stop. No, actually I DID stop. No one asked. But I do not have that feeling to take alcohol anymore. But one day, I will start again. But I dont want a fourth time knock out. 


Saturday, December 18, 2010

Of marriages and beautiful faces.


I was in this restaurant some years ago. I liked this place because it is normally quiet, and I like quiet, cool (as in temperature) places to eat. I need to relax, i love to stretch my legs and keep it in any awkward position i want to keep it. I love to eat as much as i can, and I have weird eating habits, which i might not want people to see.

And that day, this big family came in. 

Damn. 13 of them. kids, uncles, momas, dads. Conversations that fit into all age groups, shouting, yelling, cries, running around, this, that. Mess. 

And that was when i noticed the girl. I thought i knew her. She resembled a girl I knew. No not her. The girl I knew was cute, beautiful, have the perfect figure, have the prefect eyes. She was one girl I always used to "look" at. She was close to perfect. 

While, this girl, was overweight, had a pale skin, and looked much, much older. She looked 28, while the girl I knew is about 20.

In came my chicken, and I love to indulge in food. The environment faded to oblivion, and I cleaned up the plate in no time. 

The door opened, and this big man came in. I knew the guy very well, she was the dad of the girl I knew. Well. Well. I looked back. Again and again. It was her. one year into marriage, and this girl has changed a lot in terms of looks. 

I remember the times when I and my friend used to browse the matrimony site, for my friend. A lot of profiles were rejected, mostly because, of the looks. The first filter criteria was the photograph. When it comes to arranged marriages, looks play a very big role. Only to be lost in a couple of years, or a decade into the marriage.

What is the point, if the most important filter criteria, the looks, last only for a very less percentage of time, that the couple live together?

I remember a guy rejecting a girl, because her boobs were a bit small. Never small, in my definition, but then. WTF?? Is it all about holding the boobs for the rest of his life?

I have no idea why, I am writing this. These are not, my problems anyway. At least for a very long time. 


Thursday, December 16, 2010

Winning them hearts.

There aint any point winning them hearts.
you cant eat em when you are hungry.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

The uninvited wind.


It is when the wind blows straight on your face, that you cant see what it carries.
or what, it has in store, for you.


Wednesday, December 08, 2010



If you are scared of happiness, will it mean that you will never be happy ?


Friday, December 03, 2010



Yeah. this, is my 400th post. 
I had no idea what to write, but then, i thought i would skip back and check out my old posts. Browsing back, most of them seemed stupid, many of them were crap, and many, silly. But then, there are some of them which i like to read, not because they are good to read or because they are sweet memories, but because those posts convey without inhibitions, my stream of thoughts at that point of time.

Poems :

Look Back


One/Two liners/Short Writings



Thursday, December 02, 2010

Every Day


Every day that pass by makes me more and more comfortable with death.
Every day that pass by, also takes me closer.


Of numbers and faint lines.


College time. We were supposed to learn engineering. How to make electric current to go in a way we want it to go. How to make a bulb glow. How satellites work, and how a television works.

I was good in math. er. Numbers. er. numerology.
Somewhere in the middle of my engineering, palmistry and numerology struck me. I compared my hand and my lines with the ones in the book, and i came into  a conclusion that palmistry is very true. Needless to say, the book says i am highly intelligent, energetic, have leadership qualities, and this and that. :D

Palmistry was another alternative way to have girls around you. Irrespective of who i am, they will line up and have their open hands straight up to me. So, I started learning palmistry and numerology.

About six months later, I became a practicing palmist during trips and camps. I started to collect as much books i can, and somewhere, I even wondered if palmistry was actually right.

So, one fine evening, I was relaxing on my bed, planning the next mischief for the next day. That was, when, my roommate came in, and asked for my expert predictions on his brother.

Me: Date of birth and time of Bith?
Him : _________(I dont remember what he said)
Me : (Calculating different combinations, this that. )
blah blah blah blah.........

Him: Man !! You are right. He is exactly as what you said.
Me: (wicked smile) heh heh

Impressed on my own success, I thought of expanding my horizons.  I imagined myself surrounded my hands, of course, that of girls. Happy that I am turning into an actual palmist, I decided to have a good sleep.

Him: Oops, Wait a minute.
Me : What??
Him: I messed up his date. that was not his date, that was my cousins.

Do I need to say my usual "I didnt do something since then" this time???


Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Blame it on the movies.


Again, long ago, once upon a time.

Must be my fourth standard. I heard this announcement in class, that they are starting to teach Karate in school. Well.. I was this skinny guy, hardly had any tissue which can be legally called a 'muscle', was a bit short, and I was normally bullied by every tom dick and that guy who passed my way. Karate seemed to be a good option, as I was seeking revenge of all sorts. 

I dont know how I managed to get the permission, but I did join in. So, I became one of the senior guys by the time I reached 9th. In fact, only four of us seniors continued, making me one of the four senior guys, with a higher belt. Needless to say, I was still bullied, this time by my fellow senior guys (who had the same belt as me in Karate, but were one year senior to me in terms of class), because they were better in size and built. And when we had to fight, I was normally on the receiving side.

I never had a problem with that, until that fateful day. 

About 6 girls (yeah, beautiful girls) of my class joined for Karate. 
Which means I will have to teach them when our sensei (teacher) is late. And suddenly I (along with others) started to come early, started to train harder. I started to spend more time in front of the mirror, checking frequently for any trace of the aforementioned tissue. Sigh. So did others. 

And when we had to fight, they became more ferocious, and I ended up with having a better stock of pain balms. 

And then, one fine day, I decided something. I might have got the motivation from some stupid films those days. There were a lot of movies were this thin, poor chap will get beaten up in the beginning and then something happens and the poor chap will have the revenge. Like in Rocky. 

So with all the spirits, I went straight ahead and challenged mr R for the fight that day. We even had a bet. I proclaimed proudly, that I would win this time.

Came evening. Fighting comes in the end. 
Me: Sir, can we have the fight now??
Sensei : No, not today. may be next day.
Me: No, We want one today. I want it with R.
Sensei (Surprised) : You sure??
Me: Yes.

Sweet thoughts of me bashing up Mr R flashed through my mind. Images of the six beautiful girls admiring my fighting skills. Possibility of one of them having a cush on me, and then..

Ajumen !!

That was the call to start the fight. 
We took our positions, I had a look at him, and as I was about to plan my first move, 

There I was, on the ground.
A round kick, straight on my jaw.

it took three days for me to talk normally.Since then, i refuse to be motivated from stupid movies.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Aah. Tequila.


(I am really, really drunk. I have no clue what i might write. readd at your own risk.)

I still cannot believe myself. I opted out of the free rum and whiskey and dinner at Chancery Pavilion, and rushed down to purple haze. For some reason, I had this excessive craving for Margarita and chicken Spring rolls since morning. And when they started off with the dinner session at the conference, I took of to good ol Purple Haze at Koramangala. I took my usual table, and asked for Margarita. I took a look at the  DJ. Wrong guy. The guy I hate.  

As expected, stupid song. Stupid songs. We have very few places where they play calssic rock in bangalore, and Purple Haze is one of them. Named after the classic song from Jimi Hendrix. Funny, they play jimi rarely.
Things are changing, and these days kids believe rock is all about thrash metal and death metal. They believe loud music is heavy metal. I see stupid men with long hair and throat vocals on the LCD. Its all this guy plays. 

Sigh. They dont play thin lizzy. no Lynrd skynrd. No grateful dead. No Blue oyster cult. No Led Zeppelin. No Stevie ray vaughan. No Satriani. No aerosmith. 

And then the guy brought in a Mojito. 

Did I say Mojito?? Anyway, I took a deep sip, sipped in as much as I can, and then, called the guy and asked for my Margarita. :)

I was missing a lot of things. I was missing the kind of music they once used to play. I am badly missing my hair. I am missing a girl. I have a regular table here, but the chair on the other side was always empty. 

I have no idea how much i drank. I had a walk back home, and I logged in. I rushed past the insignificant mails. I checked the blogs i read these days. I saw the thanks giving post by CD. was happy to see my name in there.  I checked my blog and hated the banner. I have no idea why i chose that one. I need a new banner. I need my hair. I need new underwear. I should start wearing glasses as the doc says. I shuld stop drinking. Maybe I should drink just red wine. or may be not. May be I should sleep. May be I should talk to someone. May be I am getting crazy. May be it is the tequila. It cant be the spring roll. It cannot be the waiter. 


I miss my hair. I miss shampooing it. I miss drying it out. I miss NOT mending it. I miss asking rubber bands to girls.I miss the funny look on their faces when I ask them.

Yeah. Thats me. Withe the hair. and beside me are my sisters kids. They are planning something. Beware. 

Tequila makes me miss things. 
Whiskey makes me fall in love.
Rum makes me philosophical.
I dont drink brandy.
Wine makes me feel healthy
Beer makes me sing.
Vodka slowed down an important muscle (Read very very important :D) of mine. I have stopped drinking vodka since then. 
Gin did nothing. 
I dont have money to buy champagne. 

I feel i am dozhing off. I hope i hit the publlish bitton. 


Tuesday, November 23, 2010

The night that should have been.


A few stars glimmered. Faint traces of thick black clouds covered up the already faded moon light. He stood still. Staring at the different shades of black. As the day calls it, what is left, are shades of black. Below his feet stood the depths of the cliff. Below his heart stood the shadows of the past. Below his eyes stood the images of the new found meaninglessness. Below his mind, lied emptiness, not longing to be filled in. 

His head refused to look up. Somehow, he felt comfortable looking down. The voices of the past did upset him. The voices of the future haunted him. And he was deaf in the present. A thousand whispers asked him to do a thousand things. A thousand hands refused to show up. A thousand eyes shut themselves. A thousand hearts refused to beat.

The cliff of unknown depth showed up, as the clouds below cleared up. All he need to do is to have another step. 

And then, I woke up.


Sunday, November 21, 2010

Yeah. Blame it on the TV


Long long ago, once upon a time. There lived the great me and my friend.
I was lean, @ about 50 Kg, funny hair, he was not lean, not fat either, curly hair, glasses, very fair.
So It was night, about 12, and I was watching late night TV. And that was when I got his call over the land phone.

he : "We will go to black thunder now".
me: "Now??"
he : yeah
me: "Why now? we will reach there by 5, and they wont be open till 10."
he:  "Yeah I know that
me:  "So you are watching late night tv too. "
he:  "hi hi"
me: Will go in the morning.
he: alright.

For those who dont know, Black thunder is a water amusement park @ coimbatore, which is about a 5 hour drive from my place. A couple of week back, wrt the date of the above conversation, we were there, and yes, there was a good collection of the female species in wet outfits.

So we started. Woke up early. Scared my parents. They never saw me wake up this early. I dont remember what i told them, but that was not an age when I could tell my mom I was going to an amusement park to see girls in wet outfits.

Yes. We were there at last. That was when we realised we did not take anything with us. Not even an extra pair of dress. Not even a hand kerchief.

So I bought this cheap shorts. I tried changing, and that was when it tore up, showing up a  significant portion of my underwear. I dont remember How I managed that, I might have bought another one.

And we went out. We were too early, and there was no much people around. We started to climb up simple, uncomplicated rides.

And then it happened. Well. It was raining men. Not just men. Men from sabarimala. All in black. Men in black.

Scores of them. straight from pampa, to take a dip at black thunder. I thought they take a dip in the holy rivers. Most of them had not seen water since ages. Why, why today??

Damn. No a girl in sight. well yes. there is one. And she is with her husband, I guess.

We ended up at the games center, and both of us are good in spending money or stupid, useless things. We gamed our way to glory, and spending about 500 bucks, we did win something. I remember it was a tweety bird look alike bird/animal/something/, about the size of an index finger.

We changed, and we came back.

I have stopped watching late night programs since then.


Friday, November 19, 2010

The species called women.


I continuously fail to understand them. I would love to hate them, but I have realized it is difficult to survive without them.

Well. Last time i cracked a joke about women drivers, the girl who sat next to me ate my ear. She hit me wherever she could. She  belonged to this category called 'Feminists.' The category who I hate pretty well. The ideologies which i refuse to accept at any cost.

I find women very complicated. I dont have much issues in designing a complex circuit and writing a firmware for anything. I am sometimes good in negotiating complicated issues. But I fail to get along well with a girl. Things start well, goes for sometime, and 'ends up bad.

I was once having this very casual talk with this girl. We talked about a lot of things, and bang. I cracked a very simple, non offensive, non vulgar, joke about her domain, and there she was. She would not talk to me again that day.

And this girl. We were casual friends. We talked on phone every weekend, or twice a week, we mail once in a while, and things were fine. Then. She disappeared. She would reject my calls, and she wont reply. I still have no clue what happened.

And things went on. As life moved on, the perspective has changed. The way I looked at girls has changed. There was times when I was curious, there was an age, when i looked at them as someone from another planet. I could not understand them much. That thing has not changed a bit. I still cant understand them. I still cannot understand what offends them, what does not.

I hate them when they keep me waiting at the boutique.
I hate them when they ask me to buy them smokes.
I hate them when they cant wait.
I hate them when they play the weaker sex ploy at their discretion
I hate them, when they drive at 30kmph at the middle of the road, and will not move to the left so that i can pass.
I hate them when they cant walk at all.
well. the list goes on.

All said and done. I have to admit I cannot live without them around. I love them when they are around. I love them when they make me feel wanted. I respect them when they do things i cant. I admire them when i see them fight and make their living.

I have no clue if I feel the same as time pass by. I do not believe I will ever understand them. I dont have to, either. I just need to learn to accept people the way they are. I guess cutting down on my ego might help, but then, it is close to impossible for a hard core Arian.

PS: this is not about me hating women. I do not hate them. But i do hate the concepts of feminism. I believe women has the right to do what men do.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

The Engineer Evolution

I am here at this Symposium. They teach you about the  (read market) new Microprocessors in the market. I had this invitation, because i have registered with them before. Since it was free and also since i love to work with microprocessors, i dropped in. And yes, the free buffet lunch. 

Hundreds of engineers in different sizes and shapes have joined in. Some of them in suit, some of them in casuals, some of them with a huge pot belly, some with hair, some without any hair. i could see the IT evolution cycle. 

The unsure freshers, most of them thin, and with humble looks on their face. Trying to adjust their posture to a very humble one to every 'big shot' who came in. The freshers, most of them terrified/excited by the posh ambiance, continued to press the click button at every amusing frame of image that came by. They are the innocent lot, who is about to be pushed into this mold of next generation techies. 

The next lot in the mixture are the ones, a bit bigger than the freshers. They seem to be serious than the freshers, they have this firm belief that they know a lot. They refuse to smile, they refuse to mix. They will be mostly seen in conference sessions raring to ask insignificant questions. One of these guys even asked a question in a session even as the presenter has just completed his first two sentences of the session. Needless to say, he asked about oranges while the talk was about strawberry. They will be normally dressed in strict formals, they carry the smartest phones, and will be using them in an interval of about 3 minutes. Well, I saw one of them using it while he was taking a leak. No, idiot, i did not peek in. I just saw. :P
The freshers will graduate to this category, in about two years. You can notice the difference by looking at the pot belly, and the amount of fat on the face. It wont be a bit too much, but it will definitely be noticeable than the freshers. vocabulary starts to trim down. 

Here comes the team leads/managers. Mustache, for most of them. Serious, yes, But, they have this look on their face which says they believe they run the place. The pot belly has graduated. So has the hairline. They can be seen dominating the stalls, strongly suggesting their products are better then yours. (Yes, the mine is bigger than yours ploy) Most of them are married by now, and you can see that right on their face. So you can see this 'I am the boss' attitude tuned down a bit less , possibly due to the fairer sex at home. They are half way down the mold. 

The top bosses. They can be seen in a suit. They cannot look to th right or to the left, or down. They have a selected set of vocabulary. 'leverage', 'scalability', 'driven', 'figures', 'quarter' etc are the most common and only words they use. They are You will see them using their phones only once or twice, but you neither see them long enough.

Well. Misfit, i was. 
I represent my small single man consultancy, I continuously fail to understand the corporate way of putting things. I have never worked under anyone. I do small things to make my living. I work when i feel like working. I had refused to go down the mold. That way, I refused a fair share of money I could have easily made. On a rethink, I know I would have never been happy that way. I refuse to make what they recommend. I refuse to live most of my life in a office. I ended up with my own ways, my own vocabulary, and my own vision of life. Neither of them are great. But I still have mine with me. 

The price for a free mind, is real expensive. And as years go by, the price is shooting up. 

Sunday, November 14, 2010

The wishlist.

I realised I do have a wishlist/bucket list buried deep inside me. (courtesy the movie in that name)I dug in, and here it is.

1) Antartica. I need to be there.
2) Learn to use a parachute.
3) Inter - National Drive in my car.
4) Around the world in a hot air balloon.
5) Go under sea in a submarine.
6) Take PPL
7) Design my own satellite
8) Win at any International robotic games. (My previous attempts failed miserably :D)
9) Visit at least 40 countries.
10) Live ONE day, without any  issues bugging my mind.

Well. I need to find a very rich girl to get married to.
As to why she should marry me, is another question.


Saturday, November 13, 2010

All in the name of being a human


Every lines bearing the thoughts
of a women being alone
see the never love kiss
dark shades of the loyal

can the memory fade
will i ever feel the warmth
of the no where love creeping
 no where lust of desire

can I live my life
just holding on to my soul
my heart to soul,
my life to dream
just in the name of being.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Aah. Dates.

I got hell lot of work to do. And thats the only time when i love the breaks.
Thats when rediff comes out with another stupid thing, an article on how to impress your date.
Interesting. They should have written this many years back.

Well. Been a long time since I took someone for a date, and I do not think I even want to take one these days. But looking at it. I guess would normally do what the writer ask you not to.

I shall call the writer DE (Date expert)

1) Right venue!! DE says not to go to a pub or a bar. 
Well. I just cannot think of any place other than the above two. Restaurant? No way.

2) Making the right conversation. Damn. 
There is a huge list as to what not to talk. Seems like I will have to print this in small size and then refer it every time I start the conversation. Or may be I should learn how to use those fancy mobile phones I hate like anything. I guess they will surely have these features to filter things.

3) Dress appropriately. Double damn.
I am normally seen in this t shirt, never ironed, and in my shorts, or in my jeans. I am sometimes seen in my running shoes, or mostly in my bathroom slippers. I wear them to hotels, I wear them at my office (Me being boss- no one dare ask a question :D) and I wear them when somebody drops in for an interview. I wear them when I go for long drives, I wear them when I go for parties.  Well. I cannot dress different for a girl. No way.

4) Manners. oh. 
Well. I remember my first date when I ate up almost twice as the girl ate. Well. I am a known glutton. I normally do not scratch my butt or poke a finger in my nose when someone is around. But. I do dart for the last chicken wing. I believe in eating up everything.

5) Dont try too hard. The DE says do not exaggerate.
I have no idea if I do. Sometimes I do, I guess. But these days, its quite the opposite. I keep pushing myself low.

6) Dont be too Judgmental, says the DE.
Well. I will have to. I do not mind a date being messed up for many reasons. But I cannot accept lies. I cannot accept a girl trying to be someone she is not. I hate the girls who says 'achooda' and 'chweet' and is all Bollywood. I would love it if the girl can be on her own, do her things and can survive alone.

7) Similar to point 6.

8) Dont bring up the ex. 
 I will not. But if the girl asks, I will. But unfortunately I dont have much to tell much against her, as I was the reason why it broke up. :D

9) The DE asks me to read the signals, as if things are going fine. 
I wished I have that ability. As to know if the girl is interested. Only if it was as easy as reading voltage in a meter. All you have to do is to plug in two wires on either of her ears/forehead and the digital display will show the percentage. ! Well. I guess I will settle down for the handshake. No. Not the handshake. But not the kiss. May be a hug. Yes. Hug is better. Or may be if the signal is too weak, I shall wave the hand.

10) Follow up.
Well. I never do. I wait for the girl to put the first step.

Just As I believe. Dates are too complicated. I am better in making robots and sky watching with telescopes and in driving the car. Good ol car. Here I come. We got a long way to go.

Monday, November 08, 2010

That One ride.


I badly, badly want to travel.
Yes, I am getting old. I cannot hitch hike the way I used to. I used to take the first train, take a full ticket and get down where ever I felt like. I used to walk, I used to sleep at the railway platforms. I loved them better than a ride in the cab. I could feel the people, I could feel the soul. 

Am sick these days and I dont think i can be that adventurous as I used to. But I have made up my mind. I am taking the good ol Maruti 800 on this trip. All India trip. I have charted the route. that sums up to about 15,000 Km and touching almost all states except some of them in the east. I badly want to make it to Arunachal, but my friend in the Army at Assam Rifles say common people take the chopper normally as the roads are, a bit non existent.

15,000 Km means a month. well. A MONTH.

I guess I have to take this trip at any cost. Should get back the fire I have long lost. C'mon dumpo, you are not that old as you think you are. Like they say, you are just 18 with 12 years of experience !! :D:D

Sunday, November 07, 2010



It is true. I am drunk.
it been some time since i was drunk. This drunk.
When i say I am drunk, it either means I cannot drive fast, or that I have taken more than a liter of whiskey or vodka or martini or rum, or the simple fact that i will not have an erection right now even if the best of the beauties come in naked, or that i am completely out of my senses that i will want to delete what i have written in my blogs the morning after now.

Sadly, i never edit my blogs except for silly spelling or grammar mistakes. I simply write them straight into the blog text box, irrespective of the toxins that transverse my brain.

I badly wanted to write something when  left the bar. I reached home less intoxicated, thanks to the wind and the fruit juice.

I just wanted to say some thing to some people who has been important in my life. and some who has been comparatively less important. Being a male with a huge ego, i normally refuse to acknowledge man things i know i should.

To my real sis. If she is reading this.
I know it took 29 years to understand you. I have no idea how to behave like a normal bro, because i have never did that in my life, even though we shared the same house for more than 23 years.  But just because i dont know how to behave doesnt mean I do not  have the feeling. I will be there. 

To Sh
I wished things were different between us. Things has been good while it was. Me and you cannot delete the past. things have to move on.

To A.U.
I will keep the promise when i can make it.   And i really meant every word I said at the chat today. Thanks a lot for being there for no reason at all.

To R.K
I have no idea what to tell you now. Its all up to you. You are matured and CAN take decisions. I will be with you whatever decision you take.  Just try to enjoy your work.

Always treasured the friendship. Dont have to say anything much. both of us know better. Its been 24 years now.  In fact I know you better than I know my parents.

Carry on. proud of you for what you are. Go on and make your mark.

To the sweet little thing
All I wish is you regain your individuality. You are much better an individual than you think you really are.

To Naughty kutty.
Never meant to be harsh like that. Have been harsh. And I know that. sadly, as you know me very well, i have been very insensitive at times.

To Ronin
Enjoyed the times with you man. You have been one guy i liked to be with, right from post college times. And enjoyed the ride at the ghats. You rock.


Thursday, November 04, 2010

Cant be more sicker

Went to an ENT and discovered I have asthma, Went to a Skin specialist for my Hair fall, went to a physician and discovered my liver is getting fat, went to a Urologist and discovered I have a UTI, went to an Eye specialist and she discovered my right eye have a reduced eye sight and that  I have an inflamed sinus, and visited an Ortho for my back pain.

All in the last two months.

What is left, is the heart and the brain. Things are getting very very unlikely me.

Wednesday, November 03, 2010


This is the third time I did not keep my word.(I told the world that i have stopped blogging)
And it is also true that who ever I told it to, did not take it seriously.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The resignation letter.


white, light, fades away
on this bright, white, paper stripe
which spells, dark, lines in gray
and points, far, far away

and then it flies, down, down the hill
and then it sinks, sinks, in to the lake
and it spreads, thick lines of ink
and it flows, down, down the will

and the sun, dries, the lines of hopes
once penned, downed, with firm strokes
and once held, close in to the palm
and once read, heart, a hundred times

and then it slips, down, in to the grass,
and then it went, away, carried away,
like the thin, clean, air of smoke
from an old, tint, tobacco pipe

then the blurred, spread, shades of blue
said in calm, cold, shades of rust
the tale, of, the faded lines
which signed, off, off the life..


Monday, October 18, 2010



I cannot expect the acetyl Choline in the brain of the person standing a kilometer or less or more, to move to a synapse I chose, from a million combinations available for it to travel.


These days.


could not find better words to describe these days. )



Why is it that we feel like doing nothing at all mostly when we have to do a lot of things for our survival?


Thursday, October 14, 2010

The great Indian Moral Brigade.


People want to preserve the Indian culture. 
In fact, lots of people want to.

I remember the saffron brigade. They harassed a brother and a sister, and forced them to marry each other on feb 14. Well.. the reason? They were seen together on that particular day. I dont think even Saint Valentine would have seen that day with that importance. So important that no matter what, the glass windows of Archies gallery will be normally broken on that day. 

Makes me feel. Is the Indian culture limited to girls and boys NOT seeing each other? The recent developments looks like Indian culture is all about chastity. Feels like Indian culture is about girls and boys of teen age or higher or lower not meeting each other. Feels like its all about NOT having a drink together.

I saw the opening ceremony of the commonwealth games. I watched with awe, the "Bharath Darshan" by Indian railway. I saw the colour of India. I saw the soul, I saw the life of India. I saw what they used to mean by Unity in diversity. I heard the drums pound. I loved every bit of the common India. That was the same India I used to love when I used to travel all over India some time back. That was the India I used to see. The  only act I could not tolerate was the hopeless performance of A R Rahman. His act did not have any element of India. The music had distorted guitar, and background dance with hopeless costumes and choreography which did not have any remote resemblance with anything of Indian origin. 

Then, yesterday, I saw the Karnataka Parliament. led by the same saffron Brigade. Trying to get through the non confidence motion. I see the games people play to stay in power. I see the moral Brigade. In action.

What has happened to the people? Is it that every generation is giving birth to more kids who are blind? Why is it that we have more of these kind of people in power with every year that dies by?

And, all we are bothered, is if girls and boys are having any Intimate relationships. If they exchange cards on feb 14. If they show bared breasts of a lady in TV.  Indian culture is being reduced to hiding body parts, and restricting boys and girls from interacting with each other. 

What ever happened to the Indian culture of tolerance? Whatever happened to the Indian culture of Love? Will the saffron brigade and the moral police ever look forward to grab the guys who steal millions of the taxpayers money?

NASA, the oldest pub in Bangalore is closed. Thanks to the moral police who wants every pub to be closed by 11.30. It is as if pubs are the only threat to the public. 

And thanks to the moral brigade, Indian men are the most perverted, they sport an erection every time a lady walks the road with a small portion of her cleavage in display, and then they ask the lady to dress well. And then they ask them to wear the traditional saree and stare at the small piece of belly button. They comment at every lady who are bold enough to break the rules. 

Sometimes, its like a man eating a full meal after being starved for about a month. 
The solution, is all about not letting the man starve.
Its all about respect to each other. 


PS: I am NOT biased to any political party. I hate this aspect of the saffron brigade, and that does not mean in any way I endorse any other political party. I an not a supporter of the congress party, nor the left nor any other party. I just expressed my difference of view in some aspects. No offence Intended. 

Saturday, October 09, 2010



For unhappiness comes ONLY when you dont get MORE of happiness.


Friday, October 08, 2010

Soulmate - VI


I, see, the hazy light
I, see, the obscure night

I, feel, the quiet wave
I, feel, the  tranquil soul

I, touch, the cold, skin
I, touch, the darkest sin

I, hear, the unknown, sound
I, hear, the time, unwound

I, feel, the warm, drops
Of, my, soul mate, untied

I, reach, to the silhouette
I, run, fingers, untrained

I, search, the coldest night
For my soul,
for my mate.


Tuesday, October 05, 2010



Sreejith is gone.
We can discuss and write all the good things he was. But that will never get him back.
may his soul rest in peace.


Monday, October 04, 2010

Praying for the end of the world.


Is it because I hate the present state of affairs, or is it that I am basically a sadist?


Saturday, October 02, 2010

GODs and The Ayodhya verdict.


Reports from the heaven says high tension upon the Ayodhya verdict.
Rumours are that both RAM and the PROPHET are planning to appeal in the SCH.
(Supreme court of the Heavens).


::And in case if they are not doing anything at all, why should we do something at all, in earth?::

Friday, October 01, 2010



I might not talk sensible.
Drunk or not.
Talking sensible never made me rich.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Surprisingly stupid.


Human beings are proud. When I was a kid, I was taught in smaller classes that human beings are a superior species compared to other forms of life. The teacher would ask the question, and keep the answer in suspense. Then she would say - "Humans have a power to think, and to reason" !! We are intelligent!!

Today morning, as I switch the channels in the good old idiot box, I saw this long bearded guy , dressed as a saint, advocating the use of some ring to bring in money to your home. I see politicians saying "I didnt say it," the very next day he said 'It." And he wins the next election. I saw people eagerly waiting for a court verdict over some building constructed five centuries before. I see people honking at a red signal in traffic, assuming the honking will turn the light green. I see people reading 'How to be successful' books. 

We are intelligent enough to write rules for living, we are intelligent enough to break it. We are intelligent enough to invent money, so are we intelligent enough to steal money. We are intelligent enough to invent marriage, and we are equally intelligent to invent divorce. 

Why invent these things at all, if it is necessary that we have to invent its complement?
We are not intelligent at all, to see the bigger picture called the world. As we lay on this cold floor, we put the floor in the microscope, look at the little organisms and pity them. No one looks at the door where we are locked in. 

No matter what I write, No matter where I live, No matter my bank statement, no matter how much Martini I drink, I will still look at this world and worry about the future and life. So will you. 

No living being in this earth was ever  born this stupid. 


Silence of the soul.


Silence helps.




May be I should learn basic anesthetics.
I might make a fortune in hell.


Sunday, September 26, 2010

The greedy Happiness.


With happiness comes greed to have more of it.


Saturday, September 25, 2010

Stupid lessons.


I do not believe in learning lessons from life.
We dont have an exam to pass, before we die.


Business as Usual.


With every day, my brain seems to be more disconnected and disoriented. I tend to forget my name, I tend to forget where I am driving to. I am having realistic dreams, in which i can smell the sweat and feel the heat of the burning fire. I have dreams in which i can feel every senses. The images seem to be more clear, and the emotions seem to be more connected than ever. It is like somebody switched my thoughts with my dreams. It is like i prefer to dream than to live. A dream where I can wake up and be relieved. A dream where I can be killed a hundred times. A dream where I will ride the red boat of my choice through brown bricks on a bright night. I dream where I will not see the half naked angels. A dream which can never be true. I cannot soak myself into the whiskey as I used to. Is it that not drinking is making me into a hallucinated being, or is it that I am getting out of my hallucinated wonderland, which i never knew I got into? Is it that I am getting normal like everyone else, worried about the future and the danger in not planning my life by getting married and having the kid at the right time so that I can get my girl child married twenty three years later exactly when I will be retired and my wife will still have an income to run my hospital expenses which I will have to bear? Or is it that I am marching myself with glory into the well known sanitarium i always wished I was in? Where I can live my dream and dream my life without regret or pain or the fear of the future. Or is it that I am just enslaved to the fear of the unknown? I guess I know. I always write my first lines right. May be I should stop after that.

And that was, without one drop of whiskey. (Or wine or rum, or any other spirit that you suspect i might have taken. )


blah blah blah


Sometimes you just cant hold on.
The very buoy that you have been holding on to tend to slip.
And you forget you know to swim.

Some people call it LOVE.
I dont call it anything.
I just dont even want to look at it.


Saturday, September 18, 2010

The power to sin


May be, GOD gave us the power to sin, to solve the unemployment issues in hell.


(Why else, anyway?)

Thy masters voice.


darker than the clouds on a moonless night
shall the days come

when the night shall end, shall i see your face
hidden under the hood of the dark
and felt by my numb skin

you can strip down these pillars of sin
that holds this house of your living
and expect the dark to depart
and the clouds to shine

Thy master will come, shall dub thee sinner,
for a thousand times has he whispered to you
to desire is to sin
for a thousand times has he whispered to you
your thoughts are thy sin
for a thousand times has he whispered to you
to run away is to sin

And in your death , you walk alone
so shall the deaf , who walked his thoughts.
so shall the voice, who never spoke a thing.


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Of man and machines


Is it that we try to adapt to the machines we built to ease our lives?
What has happened to the human lifestyle?

When will you prefer a the beauty of a snail to an apple i phone?

MAN, you are being stupid.
MAN, you are being slave.
MAN, free yourself.


MAN ==  humankind. No gender discrimination intended. I do not believe MAN is better than WOMEN, but I do have the male ego as much as women have the female ego.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

I just cant write.


Its been a long time since I looked at my own posts, and said "WOW"
I have lost it.

(Like the many times I had )


Yeah yeah yeah


Why should someone matter to anyone?

They really lie when they say, for no reason.
People dont like anyone for no reason. They just refuse to believe it.


Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Not again !!!

ഞാന്‍ തല മൊട്ട അടിച്ചു.
(I shaved my head bald)

Saturday, September 04, 2010

Sick again.

I am having the worst throat, nose and stomach ever.
Seems like Bangalore doesn't like me here.
Its chilling me away.


Wednesday, September 01, 2010



I wish they had signboards here. 
Not Their fault, They only plant them on a road.
Never, in a desert. 


Monday, August 30, 2010

The one long drive.


I have seen weird feats. People doing this and that. People climb up buildings, swim, they ride a cycle across the country, and all the weird stuff. And if the usual lady-with the mike with the usual cameraman approach him, he has a reason to do it. To build awareness on global warming, for the people of the slum, against AIDS, for gay rights, against terrorism, and this and that. All global issues. None of them agrees to the fact that they just need the fame or did it just for the sake of it. Doing these for the aforementioned 'noble' causes will have a chair or a 2 bedroom apartment booked for them in heaven, i guess. 

I have been thinking of this. I want to drive the good ol car (The same car that airlifted that guy in bike) around the country. Yes, it is a well known fact that the car is 10 years old, and that the make is a Maruti 800. And there is little doubt that it do lack a couple of nuts and bolts here and there, possibly from my assumption during driving that I am driving a hummer. 

What I do lack, is money. May be I should get someone sponsor me, and their stickers can very well cover the scratches here and there. But I need a cause. I cant say I am driving these 10,000 odd kilometers I plan to, for fame. :P 

Whats the best cause I can get a sponsor? Global warming? Polar bear? Turtles?


Sunday, August 29, 2010

The great Indian morality.


I like yahoo chat, it has some real good smilies. Like the devil smilie , the ROTFL smilie, the heart smilie and all. It was fun. 

It has been real long since I chatted in a chat room, to a total stranger. Last time, might be, in 2001 - or may be 2002. Or may be a couple of  occasional chats in between. For some strange reason, I logged into a chat room, today - five minutes before writing this. 

Here is what I got..

This was not, an adult chat room, for that matter.  Are people this desperate to have sex? Is the gay orientation i saw much, due to the lack of women, or is it the way the orientation is?
I waited for some more time, to see If I will get a single message which was not about the availability of a person to have sex. Could not. 

So i just wondered how it is in an adult room. Not that I have not been, but I just dont remember. 
Here, is what I got there.

Not very different in terms of theme, But occasionally i could get a couple of normal talks. Is this, why people dont really get into yahoo chat these days? I could not stand the chat rooms, as I could not find anyone, who talk normal. But, i got some real, friendly talks in the rooms of other countries. I got a lot of respect, irrespective of my race or ethnicity. 

We, Indians, claim to have high moral values, and high family bonding. It is high time we redefine morality. I listen to Hard core rock, I write in the language called english, I use a lot of foreign goods. But, I dont think I would like to go to the US or the UK and live there for the rest of my life. I like my place, I like my small town, and feels like living here for the rest of my life. I love my country. But I hate the fake morality that we field, the fake face that we show up in front of our own people. 


Tuesday, August 24, 2010



I am surprised to know I have a regular visitor other than the two I have; and I have not clue who that person is.
So, this person is, somewhere in US, close to New York/New Jersey, uses a Dun & Bradstreet Connection to the Internet, and Uses a computer with a 1440x900 resolution.. And yes, Internet Explorer as browser.

Just curious.
If you are reading this, are you someone I know??


I know, curiosity did kill the cat once..
But then, thats why they have 9 lives !



Thursday, August 19, 2010



We do what we learn, and we learn what we do.
Thats the strange way brain works.. The more we do something, the more we learn about it, and the more we like to do it.!!

Thats how the perspective changes. You can see the interesting changes, in yourselves.

Like, a close friend of mine and me used to discuss about different girls we meet. That was in our early and mid teens, when we were in high school. The most important part of the discussion will be the 'structural definition' of the essential body parts, and our own discoveries about the girl under scrutiny.

Later, I met him after a long time after he finished his dentistry. And then, I met one of My college friends on the road, and introduced her to him. After she left, I expected the old style comment from him, but what I got instead, was his lecture about the kind of dental treatments she will need, the type teeth structure, this and that. I dont know if he even had a look at her face, leave the other interesting features.

I have been spending too much time on robotics these days. And then, even while I am involved, I do occasionally think about a girlfriend. Thats the newest thing my mind is trapped into. But then, I wish the girlfriend had an ON/OFF button behind her neck, programmable preset behavioral pattern matching different moods, implementation of a prediction algorithm so as to know before hand if she is going to kick my ......, well..

Its like I might end up finding a 'bug' in the food, spotting a latency in her voice pitch, implementing an DSP filter in what she sees(while at a shopping mall), flash her memory if she finds me with this girl, and what not!!

Too much of anything is bad enough, I know. At least for now, i should decide if I should start looking


Of blood, neurons and veins.


Ultimately, do you love your lovers veins?
Your lovers flesh? the mucus, the marrow, the bones?
Is love, all about the skin that shows up, all about the proportion of the nose or the cheeks with respect to the face?
is it all about the colour of the skin?
Is it all about the fat content of a body?

It might be,
we just dont realise.

Love is stupid.
I knew it all the time.
I just used to know.
I do not need a girlfriend.
I just need a girl to share my views with.
of any size, colour and shape.


Tuesday, August 17, 2010


How many more times??
This has to end somewhere.


Saturday, August 14, 2010



I hate this.
I feel like having a girlfriend.
This is very unlike me, but true.


Friday, August 13, 2010

Movies from the west.


I am not a great movie freak. I still cannot make out many leading actors if you show me the photographs. Of course, I know Shah Rukh, Amithabh, Salman, Amir, and Sanjay Dutt. The rest is a hallucination. I know better when it comes to Malayalam movies, and it is worse when it comes to Hollywood. But I watch more movies from the Hollywood, than the Bollywood, probably because they have less complicated movies.

But recently, I have started to hate many movies from the Hollywood. They too have a formula !! Here is some of them...

1) While the hero is alone, trying hard to save the world, the admirals and the generals of the army/The top shots of the Governments will be standing in front of a set of computer screens. Fancy screens in fact. Be the hero inside a volcano, be him under water or be him in space.., they can see everything the hero sees and says. there will be one general who opposes the whole misssion strategy, and he will be fired by now or in between. When the world is about to be saved, they lose the signal from the hero... But the world is saved with exactly one second to spare, which will be displayed in some fancy digits. Then, all these people would stand up, clap and congratulate each other. Then they realise that the signal from the Hero is missing. They all go low, and the fiancée/wife/daughter of the hero starts to weep. Then a techie, listening to a low end Morse code kind of thing, detects a signal and they all jump up and down when they realise the Hero is alive.

2) The heroine is captured. She is kept in a place where a bomb is planted, and the bomb will go off in about 5 minutes. Or she is kept in some other hazardous mechanism which is designed to kill her, in a matter of x minutes. There will always be a red seven segment display counting down. The hero will come up, fighting hard with ‘n’ number of people from the villains group, mostly dressed in funny uniforms. The hero normally kills one of them quietly with one hit on the back of the neck, and then disguises himself with the uniform. And when the hero saves the heroine at the nick of time, she slaps on his face and tells him "You are late". (I always wonder why they just didn’t kill the heroine with a simple gun shot on the forehead)

3) The world is going to end. Or may be the guy/gal is going for a very dangerous mission. which will save the world. The guy/gal calls up their estranged son/daughter/ex lover/lover and says ‘I Love you.’ Tears fill up. We hear a 'weeping' 'I love you too' from the other side.

4) The villain is immobilised. The hero has won. He leaves the villain on the ground, and spares his life (the Ethics of a hero). Then the villain discovers a gun/weapon close to him, and quietly crawls from behind the hero to kill him. At this point, either the by now wounded heroine would shout ‘Jack..!! ‘ or the hero will see the 3mm size reflection of the villain in a small reflector about 100 meters away, and in a matter of a millisecond, will turn around and shoot/stab/push the villain to a wire mesh wall, where he will be electrocuted. Or any other way, by which we all know the villain cannot come back. By now, the Hero realizes he has about 10 bullet wounds, and his right leg is fractured and so and so, and now the ambulances will come, and then a neatly dressed head of NYPD/FBI/CIA will come, offering the Hero a job/promotion for which he shows the middle finger. And by now, it is night, most of the times.


Thursday, August 12, 2010

Discoveries of a Lazy mind.


I remain Lazy. It was never in the genes, as I can see my parents, aint that lazy. It is fun, to lay down on a place of your choice, with a glass of ........ in my haind, with the so called 'gentle breeze on my hair,' fried mushroom and cauliflower to snack on, and probably Jim Morrison or may be Grateful Dead playing on the background. These are times when I 'think,' or probably 'use' my brain, eventhough for not so useful purposes.

So, then I think of creation. No, not by the Christian God, for I am an atheist. We make things, and may be break them. Some lasts , some dont. But still, things are born, and are destroyed. They make the world trace center, some planes brought it down. We make friendships, we break it down. We make houses, an earthquake brings it down. We makes houses, we, ourselves bring it down. We get married, we divorce. Or one of them die. We create a company, sometimes it becomes bankrupt. Sometimes gets taken over. We have a crush, we get over it. We gets born, we depart. We make a phone call, we stop a phone call. Everything HAS to stop.

Discovery :P:P :: We live in a world where we cannot live without creating something and then destroying it, for which we are unhappy most of the times.

I was unguided. I am not sure If i am right when I made that statement, but most of the decisions in my life was NOT influenced by 'somebody.' Like why I turned atheist. It was, possibly when I was about 12 years old, that I decided to discontinue my affair with GOD. No one asked me to, no one mentioned about the bad side of GOD, but I just thought like. I never liked to follow the advice from someone, and was wrong, most of the time.

So you have a book to follow, you have a set of rules you like to follow. When you are confused about how to live, you have a God to ask to, you have rules written. You believe the book is right for you. You have faith in the book. You have a direction on how to live. And it works, most of the time.

For the unguided, life remains an unsolved mystery. For the unguided, life does not have a right or a wrong. You become an outlaw in the eyes of the guided, you tend to feel insecure. You do not know if you should go on or stop it if you fall in love with your neighbour's wife. You do not know if you should have a job. You dont know if you should follow the rules.

Discovery :P:P :: If you do not follow the rules of the society or the GOD, you learn from your mistakes. Mostly painful ones. If you follow, you NEVER learn. You think you KNOW.

Sunday, August 01, 2010

Theories of a lazy mind.


Vehicles. Large ones. Small ones. Shops. Theaters. Computers. Mobile Phones. Robots. Spacecrafts. Electricity.

'This invention will ease your life' - will say every inventor. Contraptions to make life simple. Information at the touch of a pad. Long distance calls. Things which we cannot live without.

Yes, things which we cannot live without.

If these things were supposed to make life simpler, and better, why is it that it is very, very difficult to live without it?

I would say, a piece of rock was a very simple thing in pre historic times. You could find it everywhere. You could use it to do a lot of things. They never missed it when you lost it. They never carried it around. You could afford to lose it.

Here comes the theory : Real simple things, are actually things you can afford to lose.

I like riding a car. One of the very simple things I always liked, was long drives. Let Jimmy page or Jerry Garcia play on the deck. I mostly feel good after a drive. Simple, huh?

Considering the pain in downloading the music, copying it to a CD or a pen drive, when the virus shows up and say "you cannot copy this file", fixing it after a couple of system restarts, Going to the ATM only to find the machine not working, and then the petrol guy wont take a card on this particular day, and when somehow you fix up things and set off for the drive, you realize you have forgotten the Pollution under control certificate, and then .....

Things dont come simple after all.

That was when I remember watching the rain fall. you could be anywhere, you never paid for it.

And yes, the theory : Real good things, are actually things you dont have to carry along.

MY problem is bigger than YOUR problem!!
Problems. People have a lot of them. Things to be solved. Things to be worried about.

We can take a leave from office on emergencies. Like death of someone close. Like falling ill. Like having an accident. Like for a marriage. These are the certified 'problems' you can put forth for skipping something.

The employer believes he or she, suffering from any of these problems, cannot concentrate on the work on board, so he gives him a leave for the day.
Very logical.

But do they give an off when we really need a break? Like when someone broke up a long term affair? When some one is depressed for other reasons? Like when you lost big bucks when the stock crashed? Or like, normally in my case, when I just feel a bit too sleepy and cant open an eye how hard I try? (probably because I have been sleeping too much on the day before?)

I would be of no use showing up in office. I would be as good as a mentally challenged. But then, for me, it is a Problem, an excuse for not showing up!! For some, it will be a silly fight with a friend, a depressing dream, a broken mobile phone, or something sillier.

Still, it disturbs to an extend that we cannot concentrate on anything else. This, becomes the primary concern.

Very relative.

And yes, the theory : There are no actual problems. They are just state of mind. It is all about how neurons are arranged in your mind at that particular point of time. What alcohol does, is, re arrange the neurons in such a way that you are in a different state. That is why you forget things, or calm down when drunk.

PS: And yes, now I know why people say its very difficult to put theory into practical.

Friday, July 30, 2010

New world.


Will a brand new world help?
It was brand new when it started, after all.


Tuesday, July 27, 2010



I will miss 180.149.49.#


Fitting in.


Its like the wrong piece in a Jigsaw Puzzle. Sticks out. No matter how hard you try to fit in. In the end, only to be thrown away or torn by the impatient kid.
Useless to the user. Good only to be recycled.


Sunday, July 18, 2010

To live or not to.


Its true, I am not in the influence of any kind of alcohol right now. I can still write, contrary to the popular belief. I can think, I can argue. I can be philosophical.

I wonder if I should open up that bottle of vodka hiding behind me. I remember somebody said -

"Alcohol does not answer your questions. But it helps you to forget the question"

Well,, i do not have a question right now. I am NOT frustrated now. I do not feel I need to die. I do not feel I need to work. I do not feel like calling anyone. I do not feel like watching videos of people having sex. I do not feel like I need to fix up a job ASAP. I just feel like laying down and feel good. I feel like sleeping. I feel like walking down a misty winding road with white lights on either sides. I feel like floating on a piece of carpet like Alladin used to. I feel like falling into sleep on the lap of a woman, and falling in love with her.

Things change. From the times when I used to feel horrible, from the times when I feel serene, The times when I felt pleasure, from the times when I felt orgasm. Times when I wanted to die, when I wanted to live. When I wanted to dream. When I wanted not to dream.

Is it our choice, what to feel? Is it our choice, what to take??

What is, the matter of life and death??

I know a teenager who tried to kill herself, because the guy who she had a secret crush with, started dating another girl. He didnt even knew she existed. I know somebody who thought it was a matter of life and death, if she flunked her exams. I knew someone who would want to die because he could not find a good enough reason to live (That would be me).

You still think it is our choice??
Do I care? All I need is a pint of whiskey to forget the question.

You can opt to live without worrying about things, and you can opt to live worrying about things.
Either way, you end up in the same way. None of you gets a trophy to carry to your grave.