To live or not to.

::

Its true, I am not in the influence of any kind of alcohol right now. I can still write, contrary to the popular belief. I can think, I can argue. I can be philosophical.

I wonder if I should open up that bottle of vodka hiding behind me. I remember somebody said -

"Alcohol does not answer your questions. But it helps you to forget the question"

Well,, i do not have a question right now. I am NOT frustrated now. I do not feel I need to die. I do not feel I need to work. I do not feel like calling anyone. I do not feel like watching videos of people having sex. I do not feel like I need to fix up a job ASAP. I just feel like laying down and feel good. I feel like sleeping. I feel like walking down a misty winding road with white lights on either sides. I feel like floating on a piece of carpet like Alladin used to. I feel like falling into sleep on the lap of a woman, and falling in love with her.

Things change. From the times when I used to feel horrible, from the times when I feel serene, The times when I felt pleasure, from the times when I felt orgasm. Times when I wanted to die, when I wanted to live. When I wanted to dream. When I wanted not to dream.

Is it our choice, what to feel? Is it our choice, what to take??

What is, the matter of life and death??

I know a teenager who tried to kill herself, because the guy who she had a secret crush with, started dating another girl. He didnt even knew she existed. I know somebody who thought it was a matter of life and death, if she flunked her exams. I knew someone who would want to die because he could not find a good enough reason to live (That would be me).

You still think it is our choice??

Do I care? All I need is a pint of whiskey to forget the question.

You can opt to live without worrying about things, and you can opt to live worrying about things.

Either way, you end up in the same way. None of you gets a trophy to carry to your grave.