Friday, December 31, 2010

nO mOrE






Alright, it is a new year.


Sunday, December 26, 2010

Love Demystified.

Love can be broken down into simple terms. Like the Fourier transform. For people who don’t know, the Fourier Transform breaks down a complex signal to its frequency components. And when you add up all these broken down signals, you get the original signal back. These thoughts came up from my non-alcoholic brain, as I have quit.

Something made me feel like love is NOT complicated as it seems. Breaking it down to all the components, every component has this tint of possession. What makes a wife, different from a simple friend, is the feeling of being belonging o someone. And I guess that is it. It is as simple as that. Love is all about wanting something badly, and in turn we do weird things to get hold of something we want badly.

I can easily compare it to one of the most difficult object I can part with. That is, my Laptop.
Well, I do not have a girl friend now, I am single, but I am comparing this with the times I had one.

LT: I carry my laptop everywhere I can. I love its company. It amuses me and makes time pass easy. I don’t carry it when I hike, or when I go to places I don’t know.
GF: I carry my GF everywhere I can, because I love the company. I don’t feel bored.

LT:When I bought the laptop,  I cared it a bit too much. I bought all accessories, and I cleaned it up every day, and carried it as if it was a piece of gold of that weight.
GF:When I had this girlfriend, I took care of it too much in the initial times. I bought things, and I spent lot of time thinking of her.

LT:I never let anyone use my Laptop.
GF:Well.. I don’t think I would want anyone else to use my girlfriend either.

LT:I get angry when the laptop misbehaves. It upsets me, and I try my best to fix it.
GF:Well. Ditto.

LT:When I see my friend’s laptop, with higher configuration, I get jealous.
GF::D Obviously.

Ultimately, the only difference you can spot out, is the brain thing.  Love with a human being is different because of the emotions that play around. The outputs we get from loving a machine and loving a human are different. You can replace a machine, or make another one. You cannot replace a human. But the point is, is falling in love with a human, worth the pain it gives back? And that pain is inevitable.

I guess I prefer the machine. You know how it works; you know how to make it work. Ultimately, the point is to make ourselves feel good. I do not agree with people who believe making others happy is the point in life. For them they do feel good making people feel good, so ultimately everyone can be rounded off to be selfish. Yes, I am exceptionally selfish. I don’t think I am keen to make people happy.

The arranged marriage IS force full bondage. Whether the couple build up the feeling of belonging to each other, is something that can be left to time and fate. If they do, well. If they don’t, never mind. I do sometime use somebody else’s laptop when mine goes haywire. 


Saturday, December 25, 2010

Sigh. But no sigh.


I have stopped drinking. 

Dont look at me like that. 
NO!!! Its NOT FOR A DAY !! 

its been 5 days now.!, and I am going good. 

It all happened on Dec 19, that fateful day. Well, dec 19 2010 was the third time in my life, i was out of my mind, after drinking. On all other occasions, I knew what I was doing, I was in control. I could walk. I could pay the bill. I can count to 1000 without issues, and I can stand on one leg. Yes. Standing on one leg. That is one feat i demonstrate to people who believe I am out of control when drunk. I stand on one leg, with the other foot resting on the knee of the leg I am standing on, and then start the stopwatch. 60 seconds. No issues.

The first time I was rendered control - less, was about 4 years ago. I didnt drink much, but I tried mixing beer and whiskey. On my way back, I asked my friend to pull over, and threw up as soon as I got out of the car. Later, I was informed that the esteemed venue of my graceful act was right in front of KSRTC, in the full view of the public. I forgot to eat, and the next day, I had to clean the entire house, for you know what. Obviously, I was home alone.

The second time, was in Taiwan. Yes. Blame it on the bottle. That was the Taiwanese traditional drink, and I was at the heart of Taipei. A small band was singing Eagles songs. Even after 6 'large' (1 large = 60 ml) nothing happened. I was a bit disappointed, I thought I should have had whiskey. The host (the guy who paid the bill, and the guy who i am staying with) was rich, and he was taking us in his high end Mercedes. 20 minutes later, did the spirit awake. Damn. Double damn. I could see clouds. I could see multiple objects. I was knocked out. I woke up next day, and I was informed, that I puked all over inside his car, and then all over his toilet, and talked a lot of emotional, philosophical stuff. Well. 

And the third time. Came dec 19, and I had plans to keep it to my usual drink. That is, 120 ml of Bacardi and 30 ml of Gin,  in a wide tumbler glass with salt on the rim and one whole lemon. I binge over the counter, I dont talk much, and everyone is happy with me cause I am calm when drunk, and I tip well. I am a regular at this place, and everyone knows me here. I asked the driver to come in at 9. And then, somebody came by my side, looked at me, and smiled.

Do I know him?? Had no idea, I smiled back. 
30 minutes later, we were talking like we knew for 20 years. He was a total stranger, and I had no idea how much i drank. He left after a while, and the driver called me in.
Damn. I am late. I checked my wallet for the money.

Darn. No money. All what is left is a pair of hundred rupee notes. 
Where the hell is the money?? There is nothing in the card. But where is the money? I remember I took the money, I remember substantial amount as I came in to the bar. 
I ran to the car, checked. Nothing. I ran back to the bar, checked. Nothing. I will get credit here, but then, where is the money? I ran back to car, and on the way, I remember I did throw up.  And when I ran back to bar, I did it again, in the loo. 

"Any problems, sir??" Asked the guy.
"Yes". My money is missing and I did not pay.

"But sir, you did. " And you gave me good tip too. And you paid the other guys bill too. 

I dont even remember that happened. 
Next day I woke up,  My brain was clouded. I had 6 rounds of my usual drink. that will be 720 ml of bacardi and 180 ml gin, 2 prawns fry, 2 fish finger and some king of fish I dont remember. I could not think well on 20th. The brain seemed non existent. 

I felt like I should stop. No, actually I DID stop. No one asked. But I do not have that feeling to take alcohol anymore. But one day, I will start again. But I dont want a fourth time knock out. 


Saturday, December 18, 2010

Of marriages and beautiful faces.


I was in this restaurant some years ago. I liked this place because it is normally quiet, and I like quiet, cool (as in temperature) places to eat. I need to relax, i love to stretch my legs and keep it in any awkward position i want to keep it. I love to eat as much as i can, and I have weird eating habits, which i might not want people to see.

And that day, this big family came in. 

Damn. 13 of them. kids, uncles, momas, dads. Conversations that fit into all age groups, shouting, yelling, cries, running around, this, that. Mess. 

And that was when i noticed the girl. I thought i knew her. She resembled a girl I knew. No not her. The girl I knew was cute, beautiful, have the perfect figure, have the prefect eyes. She was one girl I always used to "look" at. She was close to perfect. 

While, this girl, was overweight, had a pale skin, and looked much, much older. She looked 28, while the girl I knew is about 20.

In came my chicken, and I love to indulge in food. The environment faded to oblivion, and I cleaned up the plate in no time. 

The door opened, and this big man came in. I knew the guy very well, she was the dad of the girl I knew. Well. Well. I looked back. Again and again. It was her. one year into marriage, and this girl has changed a lot in terms of looks. 

I remember the times when I and my friend used to browse the matrimony site, for my friend. A lot of profiles were rejected, mostly because, of the looks. The first filter criteria was the photograph. When it comes to arranged marriages, looks play a very big role. Only to be lost in a couple of years, or a decade into the marriage.

What is the point, if the most important filter criteria, the looks, last only for a very less percentage of time, that the couple live together?

I remember a guy rejecting a girl, because her boobs were a bit small. Never small, in my definition, but then. WTF?? Is it all about holding the boobs for the rest of his life?

I have no idea why, I am writing this. These are not, my problems anyway. At least for a very long time. 


Thursday, December 16, 2010

Winning them hearts.

There aint any point winning them hearts.
you cant eat em when you are hungry.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

The uninvited wind.


It is when the wind blows straight on your face, that you cant see what it carries.
or what, it has in store, for you.


Wednesday, December 08, 2010



If you are scared of happiness, will it mean that you will never be happy ?


Friday, December 03, 2010



Yeah. this, is my 400th post. 
I had no idea what to write, but then, i thought i would skip back and check out my old posts. Browsing back, most of them seemed stupid, many of them were crap, and many, silly. But then, there are some of them which i like to read, not because they are good to read or because they are sweet memories, but because those posts convey without inhibitions, my stream of thoughts at that point of time.

Poems :

Look Back


One/Two liners/Short Writings



Thursday, December 02, 2010

Every Day


Every day that pass by makes me more and more comfortable with death.
Every day that pass by, also takes me closer.


Of numbers and faint lines.


College time. We were supposed to learn engineering. How to make electric current to go in a way we want it to go. How to make a bulb glow. How satellites work, and how a television works.

I was good in math. er. Numbers. er. numerology.
Somewhere in the middle of my engineering, palmistry and numerology struck me. I compared my hand and my lines with the ones in the book, and i came into  a conclusion that palmistry is very true. Needless to say, the book says i am highly intelligent, energetic, have leadership qualities, and this and that. :D

Palmistry was another alternative way to have girls around you. Irrespective of who i am, they will line up and have their open hands straight up to me. So, I started learning palmistry and numerology.

About six months later, I became a practicing palmist during trips and camps. I started to collect as much books i can, and somewhere, I even wondered if palmistry was actually right.

So, one fine evening, I was relaxing on my bed, planning the next mischief for the next day. That was, when, my roommate came in, and asked for my expert predictions on his brother.

Me: Date of birth and time of Bith?
Him : _________(I dont remember what he said)
Me : (Calculating different combinations, this that. )
blah blah blah blah.........

Him: Man !! You are right. He is exactly as what you said.
Me: (wicked smile) heh heh

Impressed on my own success, I thought of expanding my horizons.  I imagined myself surrounded my hands, of course, that of girls. Happy that I am turning into an actual palmist, I decided to have a good sleep.

Him: Oops, Wait a minute.
Me : What??
Him: I messed up his date. that was not his date, that was my cousins.

Do I need to say my usual "I didnt do something since then" this time???