Friday, December 23, 2011

Cast away with irritating people.

::
When I saw the movie Cast away, i felt bad. Felt bad because i had similar kind of Idea for a film long time back. But unlike in the movie, I was not married. No, i didnt have a job either.

That thought could have been, possibly, because, when things went out of hand (as usual) i wanted to resort to a place no one can find me. No internet, no phone, no electricity. Where i could be un reached, where i could be alone doing nothing but eating and sleeping. May be, i can also do some cave art when bored.

As years went by, I started adding characters to my fantasy. What if i got stuck with a damsel in distress? What If i got stuck with a super rich guy and then save him from a wild shark/crocodile/bear/tiger/giant sea monster and in favour he gives me half(or may be three fourth) his wealth as we return? (Of course, i will get laid with the damsel in distress !!)

But then, i could not add any more characters. It seems these are the only tow people i want to be with when I am cast away on this deserted island where no one can reach to. No one else, seem to fit into the scene. A hard rock band wont do, they are useless without distortion, for which electricity is not available.  Teenagers/kids/old people stay away, I dont want to take care of anybody.

But what if, i got people who I love to hate? If that is the fate, I will see that i make life horrible for them - not the other way round - like , if I got stuck with menaka Gandhi, I would sbe eating fish and rabbit aroud her. And if i got stuck with  Anna Hazare, i would be drinking rum and whiskey(whichever is available) all the time, around him. And If, it is the stupid teenager, all I have to do is throw away the iphone/tablet into the water, and he or she is doomed for life.

How can somebody spoil my day?
It is too easy i guess. The very sight of people I hate spoils all my day.

Sigh.
I think i need that damsel and the lonely island. (With life time supply of whiskey/rum and cigarettes and cannabis.)

::

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

getting estranged

::

Yet again.

::

Monday, December 19, 2011

Travel partner

::

Strange, but i want a travel partner.
Just to travel with.

Have no idea where to get one.
::

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Of Anna, lokpal and shit.

::

Thats it. He pulled the plug in this.

Anna Hazare has been in the news for long now. I wont want to go into details, but

Who the F*** does he think he is?

Giving ultimatum to the elected government. ?? What right does he have for that? Just because he has some followers, does that mean that he can dictate stuff to government, and threat?

As if, the bill is going the change India to Paradise. No one knows about the bill, every freaking A**hole thinks every freaking thing he does is right.

Why do we need a government then? We can all very well ask him to rule the state.

Sadly, people are so blind - to blame everything on government. Government did not come from thin air, they are just a reflection of what we all are.

If the government need to change, WE all have to change.

To - All those assholes who support him, fast with him and shit with him - if all of you, who claims to be a "HUGE" portion of Indian population, change yourself, take pledge NEVER to give bribe, obey traffic rules, DO not litter, support indian products - you will achieve what you claims you want to achieve.

But how can you? You people have no idea or individuality, that you are like slaves, who need someone to tell you what you are to do.

To The media who projects him - if you think Anna is following Gandhian Principles, you are wrong. I am not a Gandhian, but its very easy to see he has nothing to Do with the principles of that great man.

All he did in the last few months is, to threaten the government, Campaign against the congress (I am in no way a congress supporter) and speak non sense.

I know I got carried away, but this guy is irritating- very irritating.
::

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Your time, your life

::
never give your time to people
if you are not sure that you will get it back from them.

::

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The set of chemicals theory.


::

this post reminded me of one of my old theories - the set of chemicals theory which can define human beings.

So, if you split parts of human being, to its minutest form, we can conclude that we are, nothing but a set of chemicals combined together. And we do not 'think' and make decisions, the chemicals re arrange according to external stimuli, the net result of it, is what we decipher as 'thinking'.

No one usually agrees to me in this, but  wtf. I strongly believes in it, cause It is my own. :P

its just like the river. as the river flows, it do a lot of things. it filters on its own, and do something related to external stimuli - like heat, excess water etc. Human beings, or any other 'living' being as we call it, are just like that, but with more complex processes.

Blame it on the neuro transmitters and motor neurons. Its all their fault.

::

Sunday, December 11, 2011

out of place.

::
As usual, i am in the wrong place once again.
I should not have spent that money on flight.

Wrong decisions. all the time.

::

Friday, November 25, 2011

Getting disconnected.

::
Its been a long time since i removed myself from electronic networking, in the form of Facebook and Orkut. Its been long, very long, in fact. I have removed all traces of my personal life, except this blog.

I am not surprised that I am missing the network. I never believed in networks, and I dont think i will ever. Looking back, and to a limit, looking forward, I have no idea what I am into.

Every day that passes by gets me more disconnected from the people I know. From the people I liked very much, to the people I hated. I am alien to the electronic ways of telling people I care.

If only I followed the unwritten rules that people around follow. If only I knew what I want from my life. If only I had dreams to fulfill.

The world should end next year.If not, I am screwed big time.

::

Monday, November 21, 2011

The finishing point.

::

- of a good love is marriage.





(it ends there)

::

Thursday, November 10, 2011

of mumbai and a long drive

::

Its was a long drive. From trivandrum to Bangalore via Nagercoil, the Metallica concert at bangalore, and then the drive to mumbai. about 1800 kilometers, and I am back in Mumbai after about 10 years.
I dont remember much of Mumbai, as I was not Visiting places then. But this time, I was travelling in the local trains, walking the streets, eating things with a 'pav' prefix to it.

I have been in touch with bangalore for long, even delhi and chennai. I loved to be In bangalore, but after revisiting Mumbai, I guess that love for bangalore is a bit lost.

To put it in one word, I am in love with Mumbai. Life is hassle free compared to bangalore. Travel is damn cheap, the local trains help you reach fast, and the auto and taxi people takes the exact fare.

I met the bookshelf girl there, and she made me eat weird stuff with weird names. I just cant remember the name of the stuff that was over the kulfi. I did not like the kulfi stuff, but the road side joints where they sell the samosa and the pav stuff was real good.

I still dont kow, why, after ll these years of travel all over India, I have visited Mumbai the least. I should come back here, spend more time and see what all things I have been missing. At least for now, I am in love with this place.

::

Tuesday, October 04, 2011

being.

::

if you are sure of what you want to do, even if you are wrong about it, i want to be you.
if you can blindly believe in anything, and you can be happy about it, i definitely want to be you.
if people loves you for what you are, I will strive to be you.

or may be i cannot, even if i try.

::

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Beware of valentines day

::
I know this is not that time of the year. And i am nosupporter of that day, but i dont mind that day either. We have mothers day, fathers day, teachers day, engineers day, doctors day, grand fathers day(It might be there), water day, earth day, forest day, environement day,... so, wtf, let it be and let people do what they want on that day.

but then, i stumbled upon this site, somehow, and i dont know if I am to laugh or not. The whole website is worth a read. I dont feel disturbed, but i do think we all have to do something about unemployment these days.

http://www.hindujagruti.org/activities/campaigns/religious/valentine-day/

I dont intent to disturb any 'communal harmony' with post, - , i am born hindu, but I have to say no one has to go to this end. Practicing what you believe in, and not looking at others, is the best way you can live in peace.
::

Thursday, September 15, 2011

The rum song

::

Late in the lousy evening
I had me fingers shaking
Had me mouth all thirsty
and i missed me girly o 

I went into this roadhouse
And In the rum I sank me
till me hands all be steady
and me see the things all shady

and In walked pretty lady
she wore a black velvetty
she smelled all poison ivy
and she sat so next to me

I bought her all the rum
and I bought her all the whiskey
and I held all her bottom
As I danced to all the songy

and I asked her for her number
and asked her to my shelter
and she smiled her devil smile
and she kissed me lips in style

And morning in me shelter
I have a pretty hangover
I looked around for the lady
for me cant see things so clearly

So I curse the black velvetty
for all me money is all gone
And I curse the black velvetty
for all me rum is all gone

And I curse the black velvetty
For i slept that night alone.

::


Sunday, August 28, 2011

oops. I am.

::

Oops. yes.
I am a techie. I am jealous. I am contagious. I am what i am not. I am what you do not want to be. I am a fool to believe. I am negotiable. I am vulnerable. I am a new smoker. I am a new chain smoker. I buy lots of stationery that i do not use. I love cats. I love to drive in the rain. I love to take care of certain people. I am an athiest. I am a poor manager of money. I am in debt. I am spoiled. I am not that fat and i do not want to put up weight. I am a poor singer but i sing a couple of songs well. I play guitar but only selected songs. I love to walk in the rain, nude. I believe in fate. I believe that heaven and hell do not exist. I am hated by most of the people who know me. I drive quite fast when in the mood. I love to have sex with a girl who loves me. I am not a virgin. I say i do not regret my mistakes but deep inside i doubt it. I do not want to have kids. I do not want to have a life partner. I want to travel a lot with a girl who loves my kind of music and loves my way of travel. I am not obsessed with money. I own a black and white phone. I take astro photographs and I am really good in it.  I know to operate most of the telescopes. I do not know how to call on an I phone. I use a car my father bought with his money. I love to make cocktails. I love to listen to Lynrd skynrd and Led zeppelin and Blue oyster cult. I love to drive with a girl i like and hold her hands when I drive. I like very few guys who I know. I am getting old. The best kiss I ever had was in my car. I have not felt peace of mind in the last 15 years. I started smoking cigarettes only a couple of months back. I have a dirty mind. I am very selfish.   I am a sadist sometimes. I am jealous of guys who look better than me. I am jealous of girls who are taller than me and who can drive a car better than me. I am not confident in riding a geared motor cycle. I draw faces of the satan very well. Iam really scared of getting any kind of injection. I close my eyes when i watch a really scary movie. I hate to watch an emotional movie because it disturbs me. I am a liar, sometimes. Mostly, I try to be honest. I have very few good things in me. I want to be a simple man. I want to have sex with women of all race. I want to be loyal to my wife, if i ever marry. I want to get un-drunk. I love chocolates. I love my hometown and I want to live there through out my life. I want to be someones best friend. I want to sleep peacefully. I want to make someone happy. I love to see many of my friends sad. 

Oops. I am drunk. 
I know I will regret this post when i wake up tomorrow. 
But as my policy goes, I never edit my post. So let it be. May be, this is what i really am.
::

Sunday, July 24, 2011

faded lights and some smoke

::

The more I type, the more backspaces i hit. Its easier in the silicon space, where i put down things in a text area with the help of a cursor and a keyboard. If only things were this easier. If only backspaces got integrated with real life. If only fading the lights and breathing out thin films of white smoke backspaces things.

I know it doesnt. But nothing else does either.Nothing else, can i do better.

::

Sunday, July 03, 2011

Memories

::

I would love to erase my memories.
Even then, i might not be able to start over.

::

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Unanswered questions.

::


do u think you will be happy if you get answers to all your questions?


::

Monday, May 23, 2011

Sick.

::

Why do I have this feeling that i am getting sick of my own blog?

::

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Withdrawal symptoms.

::

Ions. Lots of them. travels through them neurons, creating the illusion of ecstasy, pleasure, pain, and the ultimate orgasm. Ultimately, you can feel good even when someone close to you die. Just that, the ions have to go in a different way to some other place in your funny brain. And you can feel bad for no reason, you can laugh when you are homeless. Just, re route the ions!!

Well, then, it would be possible to do nothing and feel good, you can feel good when lonely, you cannot feel the pain when you starve, and you dont need someone to love you. 

I just need to rip open the brain, re wire the neuron mesh, and feel good doing nothing. 

And when someone feels happy without doing noting, we stamp them lunatic, and treat them. 

::


Thursday, May 19, 2011

Martini Without Ice.

::

Bangalore gave me one of the worst throat infections i ever had, but that will not, at any cost hold me from having a sip at Purple Haze, when I am at Bangalore. The music has been getting pathetic these days, or may be, new DJs have joined in, whose taste of music doesnt exactly match with mine. But then, today was fine, the good ol guy who enjoy my kind of music was playing something I liked.


Refreshing. Its been a long time I heard Van Halen, and not many times have I seen this video.  I asked for a Martini extra dry, stirred, without ice, and that was great.

Right now, you better watch the video.

If it doesnt make any sense to you, nothing will probably.
(Or you can try watching it with a Martini)
::

Addiction

::

The best way to get out of addiction is to get addicted.
and get bored of it.

If you didnt, why do you have to get out of it anyway. ?

::

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Summer.

::

The tide brings up the sand you love to feel
And then you make up your mind to heal
But then the bad dream you had the other night
Makes you go down and shut all the light

The rides are all over, and the drive is long gone
The fuel is all burnt and The highways all done,
The hands long for another, and long for that feel
Eyes all gone tired, looks for a kiss to heal

This aint the summer of the dreams
Never was one, in the dreams,
Sweat, is all that remains
as always, as ever always.

::


Things they are a changing


::
Things they are a changing.
Nothing has changed. and will.
::

Sunday, May 01, 2011

...

::

Life brings in a lot of options, without a choice.

::

Friday, April 29, 2011

The ever greedy brain.

::

There is always, the next big thing.

::

Sunday, April 10, 2011

loo-natic.

::

That right. I joined a firm, and I am designing toilets. Well, electronic toilets. And I am researching on the toilet habits of people all over the world. Like, the things people  can do in a toilet, and how I can design a public toilet so that people cannot use these for the great other purposes, that they usually use it for.
Other purposes?? These signs tell you exactly what.




These things are a no no..

You can, but no sounds permitted.




Dont fish, and dont pee like a dog. Only wonder what they can possibly fish for..


The next thing that got me interested was the toilet signs.. here goes..

Which room will you get in to?? 


Simple, art. Educative. Women has that, and men have these. 




 The universal toilet. Welcome all sexes, aliens, and life form of all possible combinations.  Must be set up by the Men In Black.
In case, you dont know the regional language...

Simple, cost effective, sign. I would like to meet the guy who designed this one. 

 Plenty of open air, Does nt not need electricity, nor water. Very cost effective model. 




 For the twins. Or for whoever they built it for. 
Where is my toilet paper?

 S*** like a king. 
Down the hill !
 For those who eat, drink and **** music. 
 Any comments?
 Well well well.. 


Play while you pee. 
 The perfect toilet. 
 Have no idea which country this is from.
 Creative. very creative. 
 I can see you, but you cant see me.. 
Wash basin. Or does it have multiple functions?
 The best portable toilet. 
Phew.

Now coming to some real good ones... 









 And, the ultimate in loo education.
Never, miss the following tutorial..





::

Happy toileting..

::

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

Girls of the spoilt kind.

::

I am most comfortable when I drink alone. But then, once in a while, i do get to drink in a group. A group of people I know.  And thats when I have stories coming up.

So today, I get to hear this story this "spoilt" girl. Well, guys use a very different word, and you know what. 

Apparently, the story of this girl did come in the newspaper. I dont know what happened actually, but as the story went, the girl delivered a kid inside the toilet of her college hostel, and killed the kid and left it inside the bucket. The girl comes from an affluent family, and the funny part is that no one, even her roommates didnt know she was pregnant. The girl was hospitalized, obviously bleeding, and with a lot of complications. later, the documents was written in a way that the kid died at the hospital.

Well. this is a story i heard. I have no idea what actually happened. 

There are a lot of questions raised. as to how she could hide the pregnancy. A lots of hows and whys. How a mom could kill her kid. And this and that. Everything about the girl is under question. I asked these questions myself, before jumping in to point the fingers at the girl give her my share of curse. 

How different her childhood be, from the 'normal', the so called 'good' girls? For her to do a different deed than normal, she might have had a different kind of past. Different set of reasons. Different set of people. The realization that accusing her or justifying her doesnt make any difference did haunt me for a while. It doesnt seem to be a gender biased thing. men who commit crimes, kill people, and rape kids come in the same category. Circumstances. And those circumstances are not, created by them. but by all of us. We make fun of overweight people. We look down at underprivileged people. We look at beggars and street children more of a nuisance than as human beings. We dont give them respect as they grow up, and they grow up to rape and kill. 

But, if the girl comes in front of me, will I be able to give her the respect as to a human being? Or should I not give her the respect and look at her as If I have seen the worst creature on earth? Will she be cool headed to take all these positively? or is she going through a rough time? A million girls in this world, and how different is this girl from the others? 

Views keep changing. Girls with different history and size and shape comes in. The fact that we have no set of rules to refine our thoughts drives me nuts. May be, I should not worry about girls. may be, i should stop drinking with my friends. 

::
::

Thursday, March 31, 2011

The spec.

::

Alright. i have been having weird insane thoughts as usual.

And last night, i thought of the essential things required for the kind of girl i am looking at - to live with.

1) Should have a job. Cause, i may not have one, most of the times.
2) Should drink.
3) Should not smoke when I am around.
4) Should cook - Nothing fancy required - just the basic stuff.
5) Should have similar tastes like I have in terms of music - MUST.
6) Should be independent. (I am not going to pick you up from the station)
7) Should love long drives. I mean real, long drives.
8) Should NOT be obsessed with clean rooms. If you are, you better clean it up, i aint cleaning anyway.

Well I guess thats it for the essentials.
And yes, should also bear with my :

Big ego.
Philosophical ramblings.
Robots.
Long silences.

Reminds me of the led zep song:

" To find a queen without a king,
They say she plays guitar and cries and sings.


Ride a white mare in the footsteps of dawn 

Tryin' to find a woman who's never, never, never been born. 

Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams,
Telling myself it's not as hard, hard, hard as it seems. "


::

:P

Monday, March 28, 2011

31

::

Thats right. about two hours from now, i will complete 31 years of existence in this world. I didnt expect much from this years birthday. the day was as usual, a couple of people called and wished, and i have no idea how they remembered the day. 

And again, i realized waving a white flag sometimes dont work. The only real wish i had today, was hoping that waving the flag would work. Never mind. screwing up things, is in my blood. 

Happy birthday to me. 
:)

::




Saturday, March 26, 2011

Cats.



No animal has amused me more than the cat. Love  em.

I miss my old cat. 
:(

The music blog.

::

Something made me remember that I have a blog on music I like. Well. I quickly logged in, dusted up the pages, and here it goes :

http://www.notesofgray.blogspot.com

You better pay a visit. If you dont, i will know. :P
::

Friday, March 18, 2011

l'amour stupide

::

Guess what i miss these days is a one night stand. 
At least, i would love to believe so.

::

Da Job.

::

Yes.
I am working. For a company. At the capital city of the so called god own country. Nothing big, but comfortable. it is very strange that I am not complaining.

May be, this is the much wanted change. May be, its because I want that distance from many of the people. May be, I want to be estranged myself.

I dont know if I am at peace. but I am drinking everyday these days.

::

Friday, March 04, 2011

The dawn of the dusk.

::
Dusk dawned and there he stood staring at the orange light in the sky. Brisk, shivering rhythm of the heart beat have given way to a calm and composed tune. Nothing seemed to be felt. The limbs could not feel their existence and the brain could not listen to its own thoughts. The skin felt disconnected from the flesh. Thin, long cuts remained undone all over the pale skin. Blood refused to peek out of the cuts and pain refused to hide below the flesh. There he stood, feeling the pain of every single wound, that he took over the years. Some self made, some from friends, and some from people he dont even know. It has been a while he has seen the sun rise, it has been a while since the rain showered on him all over to heal the pain. He tried to take another step. He refused to curse the fate. He refused to even change a muscle on the face.

A squirrel popped out its tiny head out of the small hole in a nearby tree. He has been observing this thin man for years now. As usual, the squirrel climbed on to this shallow branch, to have a closer look at this person. He looked at his face. They seemed to be having this conversation :

" I dont think you can move."

" I know. But you dont need to remind me. "

" Well. You took the wrong decision"

" Well. I have taken a lot of bad decisions."

" And you have hurt people"

" Yes, i did hurt many people purposefully."

" Dont you think you deserve it?"

" Well. may be. But i will still stare at the faint yellow light. I will still want the sky to rain. i cannot change my want, for even what i want is not wanted by me. "

::

Thursday, February 24, 2011

The ****ing point.

::

The point is not to get out of it.
It is to find out where I have to get out from.

::

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Me and the phone.

::

It pains when someone like me, who hardly use the phone, look desperately at it to see the screen saver change.

::

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Summer Sun

::

Summer sun never inspired.
Probably because it was a bit too much.

::

Sunday, February 13, 2011

The aam admi.

::

I am getting sick of this word, and I am furious. Its all about what the aam admi didnt get. Every time, there is a hike in the fuel prices, there is an increase in the price of the onion, the blame game starts with the aam admi. Alright. over 70% of India is the aam admi, or the common man (Which, I am also a part of).

I dont want to write a lot, and ramble on. Just ONE line. 

The state of affairs of a country is the EXACT reflection of the behavior pattern for the majority of population. 

So if the common man wants better facilities, better change your attitude.
You may stop giving the bribe, you may stop spitting on the road, pile up your entire kitchen waste on the road and complain that the government aint taking action. You may stop harassing your kids for better marks, and you may teach your kids better behaviour by setting an example yourselves. You may work better for the nation, then, YOU have the right to question the government you yourselves put into power. 

::

Saturday, February 12, 2011

The time before the orgasm :P

::


It is not the love that you enjoy the most.
It is the strive to get that love, the most enjoyed thing.


Just like, you yearn for more time before an orgasm.


::

(He he .. i put that title just to attract more people into this post :P:P  *evil grin*)

Scratching the deep inside

::

Life passes by with every instant teaching you another possible state of things. Never, do these instances repeat, either. Reinstates my earlier finding, that there is nothing to be learnt from life.

Every little thing carries an irony of its own kind.

::

Thursday, February 10, 2011

The power of small things.

::

I was, very peaceful when I walked out of my home, to take the train to err... Trivandrum. Seems like my much hated place is going to be my place for some time now. I got out early, thinking of a possibility to have a gin and rum mix, and possibly some food. I was way too early, So I decided to catch a bus rather than the usual last-minute-auto. I have started to love buses, especially when a beer and a litre of petrol costs the same. So, with the aforementioned peaceful mind, I got out of the bus, ready to catch the auto to my favourite drinking place. 

No Auto? Damn. Cant see one, in the heart of the city, and which ever came into my proximity had a whole family/bald man/oversized lady/ and the the likes in it. Well.. I decided to walk on. Slight frustration started to pour in. 

I walked in, and this bus came at supersonic speed, and honked right behind me, while i was very much on the footpath. S*** scared, I jumped off to the left to avoid any contact with the gigantic scrap of metal. Adrenaline. Damn. $%^&*. 

Cursing the bus, I walked on, only to put my feet in a puddle of mud. Damn again. 

I walked and walked, and I started t sweat, possibly the added affect of the adrenaline. Still, no auto in sight. And in no time, I was at the drinking place. 

Well. The people have changed. No on I used to know. even the bar boys. And the table I dropped in had scraps of food and it seems like they have no intention to clean it up. And when I had a look at the watch, the time for the train was closing in. So Instead of the peaceful sip, I had quick gulps, and rushed to the station. 

Well yes. As usual. A thick mustached, pot bellied, bald idiot sitting on my seat. My polite requests did not deter him, he asked me to simply climb up my berth and sleep !. Well. 

Only a couple of weeks back, I had my most peaceful couple of weeks in Singapore.  Not that I did not have issues. My robot had to retire early, and I had spent a fortune making it. I should have been real upset for that. But, all those two weeks, No buses honked, People were courteous, Eating places were clean, and There was no rush whatsoever. People wait patiently when an elderly crosses. They dont swear. Nothing. I was peaceful.

Its not the big things or the big buildings or crystal clean footpaths. Its all in the people. I had created a big mess in trains, Have shouted at an entire Punjabi family , cursed an old couple in such a volume that the TTE came in from the other compartment to see whats happening. When small things accumulate, people behave bad. The boy at the bar, the driver who honks, the guy in the government office who takes bribe, the boy in the classroom who slaps the teacher, the guy who raped and killed the girl in the train. Everyone. Things would have been much better if we take care of the smallest of the things. And the same is the easiest, and that is the irony of it.

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Dressing up.

::

I dress up in black.
Possibly because the old scars are all black.
Possibly because I sometimes think I can hide them.

Mis concepts.

::

Sunday, January 30, 2011

En Transit.

::

The wet, floor of the runway. Little games played by little kids. Serious talks from the adults. Restless youth. Old people who seems to think something unconfortable. It is when people are left to do nothing, that we see their hearts. I have no idea which group I belong to. I long not to be human, and that feeling is no more bringing me that uneasy chill down the spine.

::

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

That peace of mind.

It is raining. Heavy. The place I want to go is hardly meters away. I do not have any inventions which will take me there without getting me wet. So I sit here, in this bus stop, with a long faced old aged chinese man and an equally old chinese woman. Having nothing to do except to wait for the rain to pour out less, I took the book and started to scribble this down. Well. It seem to be a perfect place to write, and a perfect climate to scribble down things. 

I am getting late. Never mind. The rain and the wind seem to soothe me down. The fact that I am at a very different latitude and longitude than I used to be does not excite me anymore. Had it been six years back, I would have been amused, curious, excited and happy. I have now reached to a point where even travel seemed to be less amusing. Things seem to be vacant, and I feel myself to be a bag of organic material, following chemical instructions of a stupid form, originating from a location I have no clue about. I feel to be on a three way line, of survival, existence and living. Still, I could feel the noticeable difference - I am at peace. The peace that has eluded me for years. I am not angry or irritated or upset that my robot failed to function as it should have, after all the money and time i have put in to make it. I dont blame my luck. I just eat, I walk, I sleep. I am at peace.

The peace came with a price, the price of numbness. Numbness to pain, pleasure or pain. The numbness to dreams. The numbness to be excited about. 

It has been an hour now, the rain does not seem to stop. People comes in from buses and leave. I see people who are happy, people who look sad. People who are disabled, people who are old. Beautiful women and handsome men. I see luxury cars passing by and I see road workers walking down in rain. Sitting here, everything seem to pass by. 

I still sit here, staring at the rain and ignoring all the water that flows below my legs. I ignore the people around me, and their emotions.

I guess peace of mind comes at the expense of everything. It comes with  the ability to discard everything and the ability of not to have desires. Such peace, are never lasting. That is the irony of it, and that is probably why  humans rarely seem to be at peace, compared to the animals.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Conversations VI

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-- As I said earlier, this wont work out.
~~ You cant be that negative. Well. In fact you are a bit too negative. You need to learn to see the brighter sides of things.

-- You know, once these two guys got into this lift, and the lift broke down.
~~ ..

-- And one of them, was the guy you were taking about. The brighter side guy. So he kept on telling the other one, that they will definitely get out without issues.
~~..

-- The other guy was my kind of guy.
~~ Yeah. Well., why dont you come to the point.

-- Well, they got out together, obviously.

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Monday, January 17, 2011

Conversations V

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~~  Dream? Yes. I want to travel round Paris.

-- You got the money?
~~ No,

-- How can you probably go, then?
~~ That is the point. Most of the good things, are for rich, successful people.

-- Who is a successful guy?
~~ A guy with fulfilled dreams. A guy, who achieved everything he wanted. Who has realised most of the dreams he had. So when death comes in and ask him to leave this earth, he whole heartedly decides to leave.

-- I am a very successful person., I guess.
~~ No, you are not.

-- How can you say?
~~ You dont even have a job.

-- See, I just followed your definition
~~ Yeah. Blame it on me.

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Conversations IV

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-- How has life been?
~~ Normal.

-- Hmm. Normal. What does that mean.
~~ That it is just as it is. Nothing real good or real bad happens. See, if I won a lottery ticket, life is good. If my car crashed into the tree round the corner, life is bad. If I get laid down by this chick i have been seeing at the bar, life is good. If i got a slap on the face, it is bad. see. Simple.  If something which happens everyday happens, life is normal.

-- Well.
~~ I heard you are having a rough patch.

-- Did you?
~~ Something like ....

-- Well. Life is normal. 
~~ I guess I shouldn't have defined.


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Sunday, January 16, 2011

Conversations III

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~~ No, I dont believe in that story. See, you cant believe these words.

-- Why not?

~~ You should believe what you see, and not what you hear.

-- Yeah, i have read that in a t shirt.

~~ yeah yeah.

-- See, I think we should have a coffee now.

~~ Cant. The train comes in 5 mins.

-- Says who?

~~ The large sized public address system.

-- Dont believe it, Cause you heard it.

~~ yeah. yeah. Whats the point.?

-- Things are relative.

~~ They are. SO?

-- Nothing..

~~ Why nothing?

-- Because it IS relative. I wanted to say something I want you to believe. But since things are relative, you will believe it in your way and may not respond it in a way i want you to, because the very reason why I want to tell you something might be for the responses i want from you. It is real weird, because, all we need as a social animal, are the responses from each other. A smile, a look, a laugh, a pat, this, that. Sometimes even the brain have no idea about the response the other person will give. But still, he wants them. Its called curiosity.

~~ Einstein !. Evey one knows what curiosity is.

-- Yes, they do.  What is YOUR point.

~~ You should sleep well.

-- Sigh. Think so.

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Friday, January 14, 2011

Conversations - II

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-- Its been three months now.. still, cant we be in love?
>> See, you are not the kind of guy.

--Well then, what kind of guy is your kind of guy?
>>Well. Simple. He should be rich, tall, fair, athletic, loyal and smooth.

--Well. Why should he fall in love with you?

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Thursday, January 13, 2011

The last sunset

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Shall the sunset
Bathe you in desperation
To live a whole new life
When you shall exhale
The last breath of your
Ever untamed soul.

Shall the sunset
Call your unknown names
To hear the unheard cries
Once left ignored
For the lustful eyes of your
Ever hungry heart.

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Conversations - I

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~~ It is something I never understood. Why is it that there has to be marriage? Why cant people just live together?

>> It is a security thing. If you are married, the guy just cant leave the wife and go. If you are not,  the guy can just leave the girl and go for another woman. We are not like the west. We have family values and a rich culture based on family bonding.

~~ Why do they have to live together if they dont feel like?

>> Well. It is complicated. Bonds are important. It builds up social security.

~~ Yes. Yes. I know. I know.

>> Well?

~~ Was thinking of social security and family bonding these days.

>> ??

~~ This girl comes to me once in a while. We hook up once in a while. She tells what her husband dont do to her and this and that. I guess she is trying to build up social security.


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