Wednesday, January 26, 2011

That peace of mind.

It is raining. Heavy. The place I want to go is hardly meters away. I do not have any inventions which will take me there without getting me wet. So I sit here, in this bus stop, with a long faced old aged chinese man and an equally old chinese woman. Having nothing to do except to wait for the rain to pour out less, I took the book and started to scribble this down. Well. It seem to be a perfect place to write, and a perfect climate to scribble down things. 

I am getting late. Never mind. The rain and the wind seem to soothe me down. The fact that I am at a very different latitude and longitude than I used to be does not excite me anymore. Had it been six years back, I would have been amused, curious, excited and happy. I have now reached to a point where even travel seemed to be less amusing. Things seem to be vacant, and I feel myself to be a bag of organic material, following chemical instructions of a stupid form, originating from a location I have no clue about. I feel to be on a three way line, of survival, existence and living. Still, I could feel the noticeable difference - I am at peace. The peace that has eluded me for years. I am not angry or irritated or upset that my robot failed to function as it should have, after all the money and time i have put in to make it. I dont blame my luck. I just eat, I walk, I sleep. I am at peace.

The peace came with a price, the price of numbness. Numbness to pain, pleasure or pain. The numbness to dreams. The numbness to be excited about. 

It has been an hour now, the rain does not seem to stop. People comes in from buses and leave. I see people who are happy, people who look sad. People who are disabled, people who are old. Beautiful women and handsome men. I see luxury cars passing by and I see road workers walking down in rain. Sitting here, everything seem to pass by. 

I still sit here, staring at the rain and ignoring all the water that flows below my legs. I ignore the people around me, and their emotions.

I guess peace of mind comes at the expense of everything. It comes with  the ability to discard everything and the ability of not to have desires. Such peace, are never lasting. That is the irony of it, and that is probably why  humans rarely seem to be at peace, compared to the animals.

2 comments:

nirmal said...

so true..

Carpe Diem! said...

I kinda started feeling a bit that way sometime ago. And I was shit scared. For exactly the same reasons you mentioned. I would much, much rather be sad. Depressed even, than be numb.