Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Moving on.


It seems the smoking has slowly started to take a toll on me. As body gave a better and bigger signal than the brain, I have not smoked a single cigarette in the last two days. So, my last two days were pretty smokeless.

Mumbai gave me mixed days, I met a couple of people i wanted to meet, and had a good time. But strange, I felt normal. I did not feel that anxiety at all, when i meet people who i have never met. I was calm, normal, mostly myself. Now that is strange.

The last day was spent in Lamington road,  browsing electronic stuff. Not far away was Kamathipura, the red light area. As I walked around MS Ali road, I could feel the night life of the red light area starting up. The streets were busy, road side vendors making all kind of eatables, Pan wallas, and people selling stuff I had no clue about. I saw ladies, exaggerated make up, cleavages, and a lot of thighs. But all their eyes have lost the sparkle. The lips might smile, the legs might spread, there could be sweet talks, but, I wished I could see a single eye with a bit of glow called hope.

I did not feel bad as usual. I was feeling strange. I was trying to fix my stuff, and i guess, for the first time, I prefered to take care about my stuff before i worry or feel bad about a strange who, in my assumption, looks sad. What I wanted, is direction. What I wanted, is loads of money. Or may be,  a compatible companion. or may be, I should drop off every thing  and become a naked swamiji in the remotest corner of an estranged jungle where I can get fruits that i can pluck, water to drink round the year, and a few vegetables to eat, and a horny girl to walk into the forest, accidently, and falls for me for two hours.

None of these thoughts seem to work.
That was when I saw this old barber shop - with a thin man with a smile sans two front teeth.

As like a divine intervention, I walked in, asked him to give me that head massage I always wanted to have. There was this Navarathna Oil, and due to my long hair, he had to use a machine (Read crude AC motor) tied to his hands for the massage.

The head massage did not make me a rejuvenated man. But The head did feel good. So, I headed to Leopolds, had fish and chips and a couple of beer.

I got a three - chair table. I looked at the two empty chairs and wished they were there.
Morning, I woke up different. I woke up aggressive. Every minute, I know I will have to move on. I will have to do what I like, and I cannot, no more, treat myself bad.

The flight to calicut almost killed me. The violent shake, visibility issue at the airport, and the even rough landing made me think I was gone.

And When we landed safe, I looked around. The man on my right was thanking god, he was kissing the cross thrice. The man on the front was praying all the while. Everyone seemed to be relieved.

I felt nothing. Thats when I realise, I am happy with things, and I have nothing left to do - I have no more dreams, and I have no more things to live for.

May be, thats what I have to sort out.  and move on.


Long post. not drunk. 

1 comment:

Nefertiti said...

like the last line: "long post, not drunk".
it's called being normal, being yourself and being at peace... even with strangers