Real.

::

I wish and hope and dream that nothing is for real. even though I think and believe nothing is for real. There is this thin hope that makes me feel good every time I am scared of living. The hope that nothing is real. The hope that it is ok to be in debt. That it is ok to live in a rented apartment. That it is ok not to have a vehicle in your own name. That it is fine to be single all your life.

It is the reality that I am scared of. Real snakes. Real spiders. Real money. Real wife. Real girlfriend. Real love. After the countless dreams where i screw up in life big time, i wake up to a relief that nothing never happened.

For an insane person, nothing is never real. It is fine to screw up. unless you wake up to the reality.

To wake up an insane person is the cruelest thing you can ever do to him. Denying his un real world. denying his dreams. To wake him up just to tell him he was wrong all the way. OUR wrong.

It is fine to be insane. Its just that i wake up once in a while to realise how screwed up I am.

Dont wake me up.

::