En Transit.

::

The wet, floor of the runway. Little games played by little kids. Serious talks from the adults. Restless youth. Old people who seems to think something unconfortable. It is when people are left to do nothing, that we see their hearts. I have no idea which group I belong to. I long not to be human, and that feeling is no more bringing me that uneasy chill down the spine.

::

That peace of mind.

It is raining. Heavy. The place I want to go is hardly meters away. I do not have any inventions which will take me there without getting me wet. So I sit here, in this bus stop, with a long faced old aged chinese man and an equally old chinese woman. Having nothing to do except to wait for the rain to pour out less, I took the book and started to scribble this down. Well. It seem to be a perfect place to write, and a perfect climate to scribble down things. 

I am getting late. Never mind. The rain and the wind seem to soothe me down. The fact that I am at a very different latitude and longitude than I used to be does not excite me anymore. Had it been six years back, I would have been amused, curious, excited and happy. I have now reached to a point where even travel seemed to be less amusing. Things seem to be vacant, and I feel myself to be a bag of organic material, following chemical instructions of a stupid form, originating from a location I have no clue about. I feel to be on a three way line, of survival, existence and living. Still, I could feel the noticeable difference - I am at peace. The peace that has eluded me for years. I am not angry or irritated or upset that my robot failed to function as it should have, after all the money and time i have put in to make it. I dont blame my luck. I just eat, I walk, I sleep. I am at peace.

The peace came with a price, the price of numbness. Numbness to pain, pleasure or pain. The numbness to dreams. The numbness to be excited about. 

It has been an hour now, the rain does not seem to stop. People comes in from buses and leave. I see people who are happy, people who look sad. People who are disabled, people who are old. Beautiful women and handsome men. I see luxury cars passing by and I see road workers walking down in rain. Sitting here, everything seem to pass by. 

I still sit here, staring at the rain and ignoring all the water that flows below my legs. I ignore the people around me, and their emotions.

I guess peace of mind comes at the expense of everything. It comes with  the ability to discard everything and the ability of not to have desires. Such peace, are never lasting. That is the irony of it, and that is probably why  humans rarely seem to be at peace, compared to the animals.

Conversations VI

::

-- As I said earlier, this wont work out.
~~ You cant be that negative. Well. In fact you are a bit too negative. You need to learn to see the brighter sides of things.

-- You know, once these two guys got into this lift, and the lift broke down.
~~ ..

-- And one of them, was the guy you were taking about. The brighter side guy. So he kept on telling the other one, that they will definitely get out without issues.
~~..

-- The other guy was my kind of guy.
~~ Yeah. Well., why dont you come to the point.

-- Well, they got out together, obviously.

::

Conversations V

::


~~  Dream? Yes. I want to travel round Paris.

-- You got the money?
~~ No,

-- How can you probably go, then?
~~ That is the point. Most of the good things, are for rich, successful people.

-- Who is a successful guy?
~~ A guy with fulfilled dreams. A guy, who achieved everything he wanted. Who has realised most of the dreams he had. So when death comes in and ask him to leave this earth, he whole heartedly decides to leave.

-- I am a very successful person., I guess.
~~ No, you are not.

-- How can you say?
~~ You dont even have a job.

-- See, I just followed your definition
~~ Yeah. Blame it on me.

::

Conversations IV

::

-- How has life been?

~~ Normal.

-- Hmm. Normal. What does that mean.

~~ That it is just as it is. Nothing real good or real bad happens. See, if I won a lottery ticket, life is good. If my car crashed into the tree round the corner, life is bad. If I get laid down by this chick i have been seeing at the bar, life is good. If i got a slap on the face, it is bad. see. Simple.  If something which happens everyday happens, life is normal.

-- Well.

~~ I heard you are having a rough patch.

-- Did you?

~~ Something like ....

-- Well. Life is normal. 

~~ I guess I shouldn't have defined.

::

Conversations III

::

~~ No, I dont believe in that story. See, you cant believe these words.

-- Why not?

~~ You should believe what you see, and not what you hear.

-- Yeah, i have read that in a t shirt.

~~ yeah yeah.

-- See, I think we should have a coffee now.

~~ Cant. The train comes in 5 mins.

-- Says who?

~~ The large sized public address system.

-- Dont believe it, Cause you heard it.

~~ yeah. yeah. Whats the point.?

-- Things are relative.

~~ They are. SO?

-- Nothing..

~~ Why nothing?

-- Because it IS relative. I wanted to say something I want you to believe. But since things are relative, you will believe it in your way and may not respond it in a way i want you to, because the very reason why I want to tell you something might be for the responses i want from you. It is real weird, because, all we need as a social animal, are the responses from each other. A smile, a look, a laugh, a pat, this, that. Sometimes even the brain have no idea about the response the other person will give. But still, he wants them. Its called curiosity.

~~ Einstein !. Evey one knows what curiosity is.

-- Yes, they do.  What is YOUR point.

~~ You should sleep well.

-- Sigh. Think so.

::

Conversations - II

::

-- Its been three months now.. still, cant we be in love?
>> See, you are not the kind of guy.

--Well then, what kind of guy is your kind of guy?
>>Well. Simple. He should be rich, tall, fair, athletic, loyal and smooth.

--Well. Why should he fall in love with you?

::

The last sunset

::

Shall the sunset
Bathe you in desperation
To live a whole new life
When you shall exhale
The last breath of your
Ever untamed soul.

Shall the sunset
Call your unknown names
To hear the unheard cries
Once left ignored
For the lustful eyes of your
Ever hungry heart.

::

Conversations - I

::

~~ It is something I never understood. Why is it that there has to be marriage? Why cant people just live together?

>> It is a security thing. If you are married, the guy just cant leave the wife and go. If you are not,  the guy can just leave the girl and go for another woman. We are not like the west. We have family values and a rich culture based on family bonding.

~~ Why do they have to live together if they dont feel like?

>> Well. It is complicated. Bonds are important. It builds up social security.

~~ Yes. Yes. I know. I know.

>> Well?

~~ Was thinking of social security and family bonding these days.

>> ??

~~ This girl comes to me once in a while. We hook up once in a while. She tells what her husband dont do to her and this and that. I guess she is trying to build up social security.


::