Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Looking back


My mind does not feel good now. In fact, it feels terrible. Sleepless nights, unsettling thoughts, and emptiness fills most of the neural paths. Well, it is normal, considering the circumstances and the environment i am with right now. 

Well, things were worse. Or had been worse. There were times when i saw death when i didnt want to see it, times when i tried to die when i didnt want to live. Times when i starved because i did not have money to buy food, times when I felt too lonely. Times when i could only see nightmares where i am stabbed or beheaded, times when i am guaranteed a nightmare every time i go to sleep. Times when i had not laughed from my heart for years. Times when i slept at the bus stands because i could not afford a cheap hotel. Times when I had payed a girl to just hug and sleep without sex. Times when I was scared or rather phobic of laughter and good times.  And the list can go on.

On the other side, most of the things i wanted, i had. Even though I had my lives struggle to get them. I had traveled well, I had stayed in expensive hotels. I had driven my car like crazy till all the adrenalin was consumed by blood. Times when i indulged in the most expensive spas, times when i had the best of fun in many pubs in different countries. Times when i drank like crazy, times when i slept well. Times when i really felt happy with someone. Times when some one said good things about me and actually meant them.

So when it goes up, it has to come down. What we dont normally remember, is, that it mostly goes up when it comes down too. 

Patience, is the most underrated. 



Carpe Diem! said...

Good one! :D Quite unusual to get such content from you. But a very good one. :)

Kappu said...

It was SUCH a moving read :)

Nefertiti said...

Loved this one... n the bad times must also give way to the good ones, and I am sure they have already started :)

Sowmya Purushotham said...

well.. life is all about learning.. and you have a long way to go Man! I don't know if you were ready for such instances but I know that- Yes, Your SOUL was just ready to turn the pages of each chapter wisely. Not all become sculptor of their life. but here you're getting carved and I'm happy for you :-)

Shruthi Joseph said...

i knew it..tht you ll realise someday..that life wasn't that bad either!!!

survivingbrain said...

@carpe : Thank you ! and it is unusual for you to agree on something which I write too :P

@Kappu : It was not supposed to move any mind, but yes, thanks for coming in ! :)

@Nefertiti : yes it does, thanks !:)

@Sowmya : Thanks for dropping by ! I dont know if i turned the pages wisely, i never intended to anyway.

@Shruthi : Look who is talking! And i thought you vanished from the face of earth and went to mars or something. :P