Shut down.

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Shut down in progress.
Deactivating item 1 of n.

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Of murder, rape and men.

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Alright. I am pissed off. Pissed of with the senselessness of the masses, and obviously, i think i am right. 

Thing one :: There is an overwhelming support for the Delhi rape victim.  Protests which left one policeman dead, protests which blames police and the government for everything, almost everyone supporting the protests at in Delhi. I refuse to accept. I, DO NOT SUPPORT the stupid protest. Call me heartless, call me a male chauvinist, call me what you want, but i do not agree to the 'enraged' mob. 

Am I sympathetic to the victim? May be. But i dont want to give her more importance than the hundreds of girls who have been brutally raped and murdered all these years. Hundreds of under aged girls who have been raped, molested and killed every month. No protests of any magnitude came up all these times, why? Are those girls lesser? How come the world became so much aware of 'rape'? arent we all governed and manipulated by media? Arent we enraged ONLY because of the way the media put it? and then takeon by the social media?? Should not we be ashamed that we needed the media sensationalism to REALISE that rapes are happening in India? Who is there to stand up for all the girls who were killed brutally because she fell in love with the guy of another caste? Who is there to stand up for girls who got molested at a very young age by their own fathers and relatives, and have to grow up with the trauma? Werent we all closing the eyes to it?

I will never understand the REAL trauma of the girl, unless I am a girl myself and gone through that, or my sister or my mom or my girlfriend or wife go through that. But then, is it not the duty of every one of us to stop it before it happen, and what is the point in letting it happen and then blame the government and the police for everything?

I have a some questions to the so called 'Angry, enraged youth' -

Werent you the same guys who did not move a finger when the girl was molested for about an hour in public? You watched her and enjoyed the show, didnt you? I did not see your anger and the aggression then?

Arent you the same youth who molest girls in groups during new year eve? Wont you guys die to grope a girl when you are in the crowd and know that you will be safe?

If you see a helpless man beaten up in the road, will you move a finger?

If you see girls harassed in open, in roads and in buses, will you raise your voice?

How many of you, men, will respect girls, and how many of you will accept a non virgin girl? 

And all these things - are the government doing it? Are all the molesters sent to the street from Rashtrapathi bhavan?

What i have to say to the protesters, is to shut the fuck up. If you want rape to go away, beat up guys who molest in the bus, protest when something happens in front of your eyes. Do what you can do. Blaming the government and the police will not help. It will NOT change anything. The evil in WITHIN the society, and not in the parliament and in the police station. Do your duties as a citizen. Do it first before you point your finger to someone else.

Or better, as most of you are believers in the thing called GOD, protest in front of temples and Mosques and Churches and where ever. After all, GOD is the almighty, he is supposed to guard you and he can stop all future rapes in an instant. Why dont you do that?

Have some spine. Have a spine to stand up for something when it happens in front of you. If not, just shut the fuck up. 

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Space

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Space. The free thing you always want but find it difficult to give.
I can let go most of the things. If i let go this last one, i will be too perfect. 

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Bad education.

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The world has become so unnatural, that a kid cannot learn and do his things naturally. He need to learn to read and write so that he can order his underwear online, learn thousands of words so that he can use the best of language to communicate well to the fellow human beings, and he has to learn how to be 'cool' and stylish so that he can get a mate to have sex with.  Animals dont have to, my cat back at home never went to grammar school, but he can very well communicate when he is upset about the fish i gave him.

So schools are set up. I should ask, why? shouldnt it be teaching primarily on how to live, how to be a good social creature, How to live so that there is less conflicts between people, on how to treat nature, on how important it is to eat ONLY what you want, on fitness, on health? 

Instead, they teach on how to be successful, by pushing your friend down with your feet, they teach to hate other religion, they teach of afterlife and heaven, they teach complicated equations to make complicated machines which they thing will un-complicate the complicated lifestyle we made to make our lives better. 

Is it not, why an engineering graduate become a terrorist? Is it not why the guy who drives a toyota corolla will throw garbage on to the street? Is it not why people drive bad, dangerously, and kill other people 'accidently'? Is it not why kids at schools suicide? Is it not why we all, in general, are unhappy with how much ever money we have?

And after all this 'good' education, there are people who still thinks its the end of the world today:::: 

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/gallery/2012/dec/20/mayan-apocalypse-bugarach-in-pictures?intcmp=239#/?picture=401419345&index=0

Bad, bad education. 

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The good old cheap erotica.

Sexual content warning. :: If you are not yet 18 years old, please do read this. You will get a picture of how it was, years back, and yet, how we where satisfied :P

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There is something about boys in their teenage. Their penis becomes the brain most of the time. So, long long ago, once upon a time, there lived 2 friends, in their teenage, with the penis governing the brain. Sadly, they passed their teenage in an era, when computers existed only in expensive schools and engineering colleges, and internet was unheard of. The inherent curiosity to explore (fantasise) the female genitalia always ended up with the inner wear advertisements in the local magazines and once-in-a-while somebody bringing in to the school,  a black and white vague photograph of a nude lady, from god-knows-where, and paying up 50 paise to see it for a minute or so. The other option was the video cassette, which they frequently did, befriending the local video cassette rental guy. So porn came once in a month or two, after planning meticulously the venue, timing, people to attend and all. The biggest concern was electricity, as, if it goes off, the cassette remains inside, and there is no way you can get it out. None the less, the entire event management exercise to watch porn normally had a happy ending. :P

And then the two friends went to the so called 'entrance coaching' to a far away place, about 3 hours from home. There they indulged in movies, restaurants, Masala dosas, Exhibition grounds, Zoo, museum and unavoidable things like that. Evenings where spent at a local bar, even though one of them (to be later understood as me) never drank, or smoked. Something was missing. Something was missing, and then they figured out, blame it on the vagina. 

They took a stroll down the famous 'circle' in that town, and lo and behold ! the small road side shack ! The famous books of those times where "fantasy" and "debonair", and Indian foreign policies where not liberal, and FDI in books where not there, for play boy to hit the market. Both of them did not have the courage to ask for the books, but since one of them seemed to be more horny, he took the courage with a stammering voice, - 

Boy 2 : FFaantasyy??

vendor : illa (no) pakshe glad rags undu (but glad rags is there)

None of them knew what glad rags was. Assuming a replacement for Fantasy,

Boy 1: Sheri, athu mathi (yes, will do)

Paying an exorbitant amount of 50 bucks for that era, the boys rushed back, forgetting to have dinner they planned, and rushed to the room.

In no time, the plastic cover of the books where stripped, and the pages where eagerly flipped for divine sight of  the naked boobs.

Well. Fashion magazine. 

Not even a proper cleavage. 

The "excitement" went down. Not actually, since neccessity is the mother of invention, and since somebody intelligent has said "seek and thiu shall find", they decided to seek, and managed to find the first erotic literature they read. a small 5 rupee book, with a semi nude girl on the cover. 

Days passed, and at the end of the 12 day course, there was about 24 books, all erotica, and 3 books, which was relevant to the entrance. As the friends packed the bags to go home, the books had to be left back, and it was a tough decision they made. But where??

So they went to the railway station. They neatly placed the books into a textile shop plastic cover. And at the crowded ticket counter, Boy 2 had an idea. He kept the cover on the floor when he purchased the tickets, and since people wont look down at a crowded counter, he left it there after he got the tickets. 

And in a minute, a good old man, ran upto him, and happily handed over the cover - "you should be careful with your belongings"

And in the next half hour, the friends roamed about the railway station like two inexperienced terrorists planing to place a bomb in a strategic place. Fear, lack of self confidence and a feeling of parting with their soul made them frustrated, uneasy and angry. So they had their usual Masala dosa - tea solution for the situation, and it worked ! 

They went out, to the almost empty parking lot for goods vehicles, and left the cover inside one of them. 

Wishing the owner good luck, and dreaming about the happiness we gave to the unknown soul by gifting a treasure any potent male would want, they went back home to the wold of video cassettes and Innerwear ads. 

And every time they walk past the small road side book shack, there used to be an innocent excitement coming up, the penis used to be satisfied with the cheap 5 rupee fantasies, or may be by an obscure black and white view of the vagina. 

17 years passed, and Boy one grew up to be a dentist, and got married and got settled in australia, and Boy 2 after a lot of struggle became an engineer, and started drinking, smoking and all other essential activities of life, and started this blog. 

And last week, as i passed by the small road side book shack at my home town, I saw them books, smiling at me, asking if i remember them. Yes, I do remember you guys, I wish i had the urge to buy you, rush home, and read you, but for once, i am sad that my penis no longer run my brain. I seriously wish it where, for the one thing i miss really in life is the innocent sexuality, the curiosity and the innocent excitement, which did die off. 

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WTF?

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Yes, WTF.

My drinking has gone down, i dont feel like getting drunk much. Even though i have a drink frequently these days rather than the wednesday - sunday pub days, I dont drink much. I sometimes have a small drink before i leave to office in the morning, and have another small drink in the evening. The smoking have gone down drastically after that fatefull sunday when i smoked almost five 20 packs( yes, about 100)  in a day, breaking my previous record of 80. I did not smoke for about 2 weeks, and now i dont even feel like smoking much unless i am in the pub. Strange. I am not smoking weed either. 

I find it similar to the sunspot activity. I realised one good thing about me - i cannot be perpetually addicted to something - anything. Possibly because i overdo everything, that the mind and the body get bored of it. Was the case with porn in my early pre teens, alcohol, cigarettes  and weed in my late twenties. I never tried anything else in terms of hallucinogens, possibly because i am too scared of injections, and also because i am scared of not being in control of myself. I am scared of letting a chemical take charge of my conscious mind. 

Right now, i am at peace, and i guess after a long, very long time, The last time i was this peaceful should be in 1998. Well, till 1998. I have always been this confused mind who never gets satisfied with anything, who was at times too aggressive and at times too lazy. Too lazy to an extent that i decided to skip my exams. To aggressive to an extent that i kept on working for a week, continuous, without even one hour of sleep, taking breaks only to eat and to take a loo break. I have lost the aggression long time back, but the laziness hooked on to me. I should say the hard work payed off. My vision on life was never clear till recently, I felt like no one or like a loser, felt confused on many things in life but arrogantly decided not to listen to advises. I sticked to being myself,  Ignored the warning of hell when i decided to be an atheist, ignored the warning if i do not clear my exams in time, and ignored the warning  of a wayward life. True, I never was popular, never made decent savings for someone my age and in my industry, and never made it through the matrimony industry.  But, as years roll by slowly, i can actually see myself leading a life i actually wanted in my childhood. I never actually wanted to make money, never actually wanted to get married, never wanted to be employed in a multinational company with a huge pay packet. I did travel well as i wanted, i do what i like for a living, and i have the ulitimate. Freedom. Cant ask for more. 

What i never thought that i would need, is the partner. Not a wife, a partner. May be not even a partner, someone i can do things i like with. Somebody with which i dont need any commitments, Some one with whom i dont have to fall in love with. 

Where things simpler when i had a screwed up life? All i had to do is to get drunk and sleep. I had a solution for every problem. When most of the problems i used to have are no more there, I find it complicated. I am peaceful, but i dont feel like getting drunk. i miss that pleasure of sinking into sleep happily after getting drunk after a bad day. I dont get that same feeling anymore. 

may be i should not think much. May be i should TRY to smoke up. 

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