The childhood dream was to be famous. Who does not want to be famous? It is a good feeling to be known by people, people follow you, people love you. People admire you, they name their sons after you. You receive fan mails, you receive kisses, and if you are a rock star or a sportsman, you get laid pretty easily. You have money, you get things done easily with just a phone call. Amazing life. well, every mans dream. Things changed as i grew up. I do a lot of things i might not be able to do if i am famous. well.. all dirty stuff. It is better to be unknown, an noticed.
So the other day, i was walking to the regular coffee - cigarette shop. I was in an indifferent mood, pondering about things that is happening in my life right now. In general, people who closely know me knows me as a sad person. May be because i crib a lot to them. I had years of tough times, trying out ways of life and understanding things which really went bad. And when it went bad, i became depressed. And then i would try a new thing which will again go wrong. More depression. The cycle continues, but things gradually became better, over the years.
So i thought. what if i can go back to the past and change things? What would i change??
May be write my exams well?? May be correct every bad things i did? there are a hundred things i can think of. But then, if i had corrected them, what would i be now?
I dont know. What i am right now is a completely free man with no dreams at all. The other day my friend said - that it is impossible for a man to live without a dream. I differed. I dont have any dreams i live for. I dont have anything i live for, at this point of time. There are things i would like to do. But I am not working towards it. I am just going along the flow, taking things as it comes. In the process, i make some people happy, some sad. I dont follow any rules or principles. I just live.
I feel content.
I dont want to go back and change a single thing.
I feel content, i feel i am living life the way i want to live. I know this is what i wanted deep inside, as a kid. I am fine to die tomorrow, i would die without any regrets.
I might be generally sad and depressed, but i am content. Fucking, why did not i realize this before??
I dont think i can ask for more in my life.