Weird thing called learning from life

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I guess the earlier stages of my life where less eventful. Events where more or less predictable. The people around me did not change much, and the values and principles by which most of the people around me lived where more or less the same. So any behaviour which deviated from the so called set of unwritten rules were  objectionable, and something which should not be done. I always wanted to break off from most of the rules, but did abide to most of them, as i thought it is/was the way things should be. 

The first break off was be turning to an atheist  That happened when i was about 12 years old. I don't exactly remember the incidents by which i became one, but it was a hard road. When doubts of existence of God came in, i would pray to God to forgive me for doubting him. I was scared of him punishing me for the disbelief. For some reason i still don't know, I became convinced that God did not exist,  and became a good non-believer by the time i turned 14. And as every year passed by, my conviction grew only stronger.

The second break off would be the decision of not getting married. That was even a tougher one. The idea got into my mind when i was really young, may be when i was 13 years old. Till then, i did have fantasies of how my wife would be, how the first night would be, and how i would initiate the first time sex. Pre marital sex was a no - no, it was a crime that i could not think of committing. I could not imagine my wife to be a non virgin, and i could not think why, somebody would commit that crime. Well, that was my pre-teens. At the same time, I wanted to be the hero in the action movies that i used to watch. So I wanted to be the super hero policeman who will bash up the bad guys and rescue the damsel in distress, or save the world from the evil clutches of Amreesh puri. But, in all of them movies, the wife/lover/family of the hero would be held ransom by the bad guys, which i found a bit complicated. In some movies, they even killed them. Now that is unnecessary and complicated. I have to save the world, as well as the wife and the family. So i decided not to get married, so that i only have to save the world. Well, those where my first thoughts on not having a family. 

As i grew up, i decided not to get married, because i doubted relationships. I started to question the institution of marriage, as i saw, in real life, the wife sleeping  with someone else when the husband is not around. I saw instances when the Husband would cheat on the wife. It hurt me a lot, and it got scary, as i had thoughts of my wife in fantasy cheating on me. Possible, yes, may be, but what if?

As I grew up, i travelled more. I got out of my environment which thought me that marriage is a rosy affair, and that everyone should get married. i started to see real life, i interacted with people of different states, cultures, countries. I saw different outlooks, i saw different lifestyles. I started to drink and smoke, which was the third major breakaway from the rules i set in my childhood. Everything turned upside down, and all the faith i had in life had to be erased and re - written. 

And as everyday rises, another faith that i had had t be re - written. The pain to do that, and the pain i had to go through when i realise things are not the way i thought it is, is hard. I no more expects my life partner to be a virgin, in fact i want someone who is not. I realise it is possible for the wife to cheat me, and i have to learn to live with it. I realise money is nothing, i realise i will have to hurt someone somewhere for me to be happy. I realise I dont have to life for a goal, i realise, i will never be a good father. And even now, every rule that i live with, had to be re - written by myself, so that i feel better everyday. If not, I will be upset that that particular rule is broken.

Every day, every incident changes me, my views, my outlook. I realise i dont have that thing called ethics. I realise i am breaking off from every rule that people around me have. And that means I will be the loser as per public opinion, that means i will become the outcast, that means i wont fit in. That means i become the example of what someone is not supposed to be. And that means i am mostly the laughing stock when i am n a gathering. 

Deep down inside, there are some writings, some values, which has gone faint, but not gone. No matter how hard i try to erase them, it refuses to go. And when i try to break off from those rules, it hurts. It hurts bad. real bad. 

I need money and occasional sex to live. I guess that is what i am reduced to, now.

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Let go.

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I have to learn to let go.

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Stupid me.

::

Life, always has its own surprises. You plan events, expecting things to work out the way you wanted it to be. You expect people to behave the way you want them to be. All of the actions, are based on, your expectations on the reaction of the world, as you see it.

The pani puri vendor on the road expects you to give him the 10 bucks after you have eaten his stuff. He gets upset and behaves different if you dont. Your boss expects you to deliver that code by 6 30 in the evening, and if you dont, hell will break loose. Your boyfriend expects you not to sleep with that guy he suspects you like. Your mom expects you not to drink. You expect your wife to give you a blowjob tonight. You get upset, when she does not. Even the great GOD expects you to pray to him. If you dont, he is displeased. So this thing, is universal. I have no idea what Sun expects from earth, but i guess she( i dont see a dick in the photographsof sun, but i do see holes in the form of sunspot -  As for earth, we have mount everest.)  expects earth to revolve around it, failing which, earth will be swallowed. 

I got real upset today. Many things i wanted to, did not work out as i expected. But then, when i looked back to about 15 years, I never expected me to be like what i am right now. I never expected to smoke tobacco or weed, i never expected me to drink, and i never expected me to be wayward as i am right now. I dont think i am unhappy about the way i am now, because, in the end, i am having the freedom that i always wanted. Freedom to do anything i want, without worrying about what the people close to me will think. What i had to sacrifice, was the same set of friends, people who was close to me, a good job which might have made me real rich, a beautiful hot wife, and a lot of things which defines to be the most important things to have in life. 

I earn just enough to pay my pub bills, to fill the fuel in the car, to pay the loan for the small piece of land i bought, and to eat good food. Fair enough, that meets my basic requirements. 

What i dont know is, what to expect from life. I have always went along the flow, did things never worrying about the consequences. Which made me directionless. Life has become all about satiating my needs, for the moment, whatever it my be. 

So this girl came into my life. not as a lover or as a life partner, but as a simple friend. Its all about passing a couple of hi, or about talking senseless things over the internet. Which did make me feel good. I guess i will be expecting things from her as we get to know each other well. And when i dont, as per my universal theory, i will get upset. And i dont want things to upset me. May be, logically, i should not even start the relationship.

But it seems to be business as usual, i live for what i need right now, and it seems i will defy all my well developed logic and do things my brain asks not to do. 

Let things be. After all, even the mighty GOD gets upset over silly things. I should, as always, live for the moment. 

:: 

Sweet taste of rum

::

I walked all my way
to my good ol ale house
with my eyes so lit up
with a smile on my face

And as i walked in
saw the neon lights so dim
and he stood near the gate,
its a dry day dear sir!

The smile all went down
and the eyes all drooped down
As i walked back my way
on a day with no rum

the world is so hard
to the poor heart full souls
when the black day he comes
thats the day with no rum

i took all them bottles
the old empty ones
and shook them with hope
got three drops of rum

And nothings feels good
than sleeping late night
with a girl on your arms
and the sweet taste of rum.

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Blue sunday.

::

---- Just another day in my life. For no reason felt like putting it up in the blog.

8 15: Call from my friend, From Australia. His cousin, our age ,who I know, had died.

Died in a bike accident. In bangalore.
Survved by a young wife, a 3 year old daughter and a 2 month old son.
Was to fly to US of A next month.

Got out of bed. made black tea. Straight to the computer.
Did not feel like working. Random thoughts came in and out.

Every one was sad about the widow. and the kids. Now they are sad because he had a kid. It was better, if not fine, if he did not have kids.

But then, everyone were happy when the kids where born. The irony.

I should play a game. Age of Empires. the very first version. The same one we played in 1999, on our college days.

First game, lost.
Time to pot.
Second game, lost.
Made black tea again.
Took out the wheat bread, made bread omlet.
And then some with Pinapple Jam.

Third game, lost. Damn.
Forth game, almost about to win after 2 hours of play. Fuck, i accidentally pressed the power button, and I did not save.

Its about 2. Felt bored. Watched porn. Even bored.

Back to the game.
Won, at last.

Played again. won. damn, it is 5. There is a live band playing at the pub. I need to take the dress from laundry. All i have is a full sleeve shirt, and i am not wearing that with the shorts to the pub.

One more game, and i will go.
one more game, and it was 6 30. Just half hour for the happy hours to end. Chuck the laundry.

Took the old over sized t shirt, sprayed AXE all over, that should take care of the smell.

Too lazy to ride the bycycle. took the auto.

Just made minutes before happy hours.

500. 500 is all i am going to spend today. I kept repeating all over again. I jat have 3k till the salary comes. which will be after 5th.

500. Dont spend more than 500. Drink beer. Cheapest.
No, beer depress me.

Looked at the bartender. He smiled his usual wicked smile.
I said old monk.
No old monk !!!

He said, have whiskey, sir. Have glenlivet. He knew my old fav.
450 for 30ml. No way.
Fuck the 500.

Chivas, 2 large please.
and that is 350 for 30. 1400 for 2 large. 420 discount. its a 1000 bucks. fuck it, i am having it.

And the band played. not bad, decent. Pretty decent for a band who have been playing for just 3 weeks.

Sipped the whiskey, slowly. Lot of hot chicks around. Lot of them.

Felt out of place. I hate it when there is too much of crowd.

Then a girl took my lighter, without even asking me, and vanished.
I chased her, and saw her giving it to a friend of hers.

I got pissed.

I walked to her friend, and demanded the lighter from her.

At least i got it back.
Ordered chicken fried rice. Yummy. One of the best i ever had.

Enjoyed the music. I saw the girls and guys dancing to led zeppelin - Black dog. No way you can dance with that song, but they did.

I hate it when couples dance like salsa to a classic rock song. It is not just meant to be. Shake your head, not the hips.

Pub closed, payed 1200.

Walked back. Saw the lead singer. shook his hands, and said he did a good job.

He said he was happy hearing it from me..

(me? why me? its the same thing - He thinks, as many of them, mostly due to my long hair, that i am a great musician or something.)

I did not correct him. I did not want to tell him i am just another guy with a long hair, and that i cannot sing half as good as he sings.

Walked back.
Counted the cigarettes i smoked in the last 4 hours.
hmm.. 20.
No wonder i have the chest pain.

Bought 5 more, as I walked back. I need it for the night and for the next day when i pot.

Reached home. could not sleep.

Played again. till 2.30 in the morning. Feeling slightly asleep. I should sleep now, after all, i have won the last game.

Series of thoughts came in as i got down to bed. The thought on how the widow will recover, the thought on if i should ever marry, the thought on what will happen to my kids if i ever have kids.

I would rather let the wife die, and i live in pain, rather than I die and let them in pain.

I cannot die now. At least I cannot suicide. Not until  both my parents are dead.

::

Sweet little thing

::

It was intoxicating
than any alcohol i ever had
than any high i ever had
the kiss remains the best
it was much higher than heaven

Long lost.

two years later
i still badly miss
the sweet little thing.
badly.

I still will not
have that sugar cane juice
alone.

::

Fucking untitled.

::

I thought i should die to live well
May be, I should live to die well.

Or may be,
enjoy the hallucinogens
and just wait.

::

the bystander.

::

And, yes, i ended up in the emergency medicine section of a hospital, as a patient, for the first time in my life. Forgettable incident, yes.

So one fine morning i realized I cannot move my feet or any other part of my body. I felt so weak, that I could not clench my fist. I knew things were wrong, I knew i have to see the doctor. Some doctor. 

I somehow managed to end up in the emergency medicine section of a hospital. Only to be stopped by this security guy.

"sorry sir, only patients allowed"

"(I know asshole), i AM the patient. (Cant you see i am crawling my way to the emergency medicine)?

And then came the next torture. Ladies dress in white. They all carried needles, reminded me of vampires. Vampires they where, last time I counted, they poked at least 4 times to take blood. One from the artery, one from the vein, one for some test, one for some other test. Damn. 

And Dracula came in. He is the doctor, I was informed. He decided I need to be given IV, for which they need to poke again to put on the IV line. two try on my left hand, and it did not do well. So two more pokes on my right hand and somehow it got right.

And every time, one guy would come, give me a bill, and gracefully take my wallet from my pocket, take the card, swipe and bring back the bill. And yes, after a couple of times,he decided to keep the card on my chest so that he does not have to search for my wallet inside my pocket.

About two hours later, my bystander came, and I had no clue she was not comfortable with the hospital stuff. So when the lady in white came in again to take my ECG, she got too scared of the sight of the machine, and well, just ran away. A very light moment, everyone burst into laughter. 

A forgettable day, I got discharged by evening. I was bed ridden for about 3 days, and being alone, when not well, made me think about many things, which I have not thought before. It was not about the care I wanted, but when you are so thirsty, and you cannot get out of the bed, you will wish there was a bottle of water near you. And then you want someone or something to bring that bottle of water, and who ever does that at that point of time, you look at him/her with a lot of gratitude from your heart.

But no, I dont want to get married just so that someone will take care of me. What will i be doing with her the rest of the time?

Three days later, when i was kind of fine, i went back to the hospital to get my urine test results. Well, forget the report, the urine sample itself was missing. 

I dont think i would ever want to be in a hospital again. I am healthy now, but the way i treat my body with cigarettes and alcohol, i can see myself spending my later days in a hospital, with ladies dressed in white all around me. I might need a bystander then, I would prefer a woman, around my age, and I guess i have to start saving up now so that i can pay her then.

::

aah. Who the fuck is that.

::

I thought i know all of the people who can possibly visit my blogs, on a regular basis. Yes, i mean real humans, not the bots.

But who, the hell, is this human, from San Jose, California, who regularly use a firefox and a win xp system, has been visiting my blogs at least thrice a month, for many months, now??
It cant be my sister, as she does not live near California.

Mystery, ignites imagination.

So I fantasize, this human being, be, a hot chick, single, who is fascinated by my writings.

And when i do that, it almost always turn to be a guy, who i never want a conversation with.

Aah. Now i really wish at least some part of my mysteries have a happy ending.

::

the Draught beer incident.

::

Policemen likes  love me. I have no clue why they are attracted to me, i guess the way i walk, drive or simply stand makes me look like a mouth watering dish of some sort. 

The latest, happened a couple of weeks back. We all walked out of our fav pub, one fine wednesday, and there were guys and girls, drunk, wasted, having harmless fun. People singing aloud in groups, loud laughters, thrash talk, it was all fun. I dont drink beer normally, but when this cute looking female came to me and offered me a can of beer she could not finish, i could not resist.
1) the girl was hot, but sadly, had an equally hot boyfriend on her other hand.
2) I dont believe in wasting any type of alcohol.

So, me any my A**Hole friend, started to walk towards his place, as i had decided to crash in his place. On the way, on a freaky modified bicycle, there was this guy, selling tea and coffee. Interesting idea. Tea. I have no clue as to what can happen when hot tea reacts with Gin in the abdomen, but it did not bother at that moment. We stopped for the tea, had a couple of cigarettes, and stood there talking for sometime, waiting for a friend to come join us. 

So i was just standing there, talking to my friend, holding the beer can in my had, but NOT drinking, because Gin + Tea + Cigarettes + beer felt like the weirdest of concoctions.

And in came two overweight, potbellied as usual, policemen, in the typical leopard skin bikes. I ignored them as usual, as i was not driving, i dont have to have papers, and every Indian citizen has the right to stand on a road side at any point of time in a day.

Policeman (In Kannada) : Come with me to the station 

Me : Perplexed, confused, In a mix of Kannada, Hindi and English : Why?

Policeman (In English, Realising i dont know Hindi as well as Kannada) : Public Nuisance, Drinking in public. Come to station, pay 500 fine, and stay there till morning.

Me (WTF!in mind)  I am not drinking in public !! I drank at the pub

Policeman : But you have an opened beer can in hand.

Me. (Damn. Why am i holding it when i am not drinking it) But i am not creating any public nuisance! See, i am peacefully standing, on the roadside, not even talking loud! 

I tried to convince them than i am the angel himself descended to earth, that I am such a nice guy that I mind my own business and love the people around me. Well since it did not work, i decided to do what can work.

Me: Kitna chahiye

Policeman: Pyar se dedo.(Never had, i seen a policeman saying "pyar se dedo" It sounded more like a sex worker asking for  a tip)

Hmm. I checked my wallet, looked inside for a 50 rupee note. Gone are those days when 10 rupee was sufficient. Damn. No 50. Only hundred. Through the corner of my eyes, i could see both the guys looking into my wallet.

So I took the hundred, and handed it over to the guy who was riding the bike.

He refused to accept it. I thought, damn. More??

Then he gestured to give the 100 to the guy sitting behind. AAh. Protocols. 

As they left, i looked at the Can of beer, and i saw it giving back that "I didnt do it" look. 

So i leaned on to the low compound wall, patted the street dog who seemed to like me, and gulped the beer peacefully.

::

Ahem.

::
I felt weird when i got tagged.

Weird because, I was happy and uncomfortable at the same time. Happy because someone do read my blog for what ever reasons, uncomfortable because i am not the social type, at least in cyberspace. 

I thought i would skip this exercise, but the blank and confused state i am in (due to completely different reasons) pulled me into writing a blog today, and i thought WTF, i AM going to answer these questions, because now, i really want to.

thanks to Kappu, for tagging me, cause it did make me feel good. 

1. What/who got you into blogging? A note of thank for him/her/it? ;-)

None of my friends were blogging when i started writing. I came across blogger when i was browsing for something, and i liked the concept. I guess I started writing to get attention, and nothing else.

2. You are gifted with a great voice, what song will you sing to your love? 

Immigrant Song. 

3. If you are given the time and money to learn something new today, what will you choose to learn?

Today, at this point, i would pay and learn how to have a good sleep. I dont know about tomorrow.

4. What do you like and dislike about marriage? (Bachelor(ettes) can let their assumptions run here!)

like - You dont have to look around for a partner to have sex.

dislike - You cant have another partner for sex.

5. What according to you is an act of kindness?

Nothing. Every act by anyone is an act to satisfy their own mind and body.
Hold it. on a second thought, if someone gives me 5 crore for free, it IS an act of kindness. 

6. A date with a celebrity - whom will you choose and why? 

Singer Najma Akthar. Or Actress Rekha. Intoxicating looks and eyes. 

7. What adventure sport do you SO love to do right away? With anyone in specific?

Right now, no. I dont want to move my ass a bit. 

8. Do you like photography? What do you think of the developing culture of SLR craze?

I take astrophotographs, am a semi professional in it. I used to work with the SLR Film camera in late nineties, and it was fun. It was challenging. You had to feel the light, you had to have skill. I dont like it now, as you need more of photoshop skills now. And every tom, idiot and asshole i meet claim to be  a photographer these days. I dont carry my camera anymore as frequently i used to carry it. 

9. Whats your secret recipe that you'll cook to impress or woo someone? (okay if its maggi!)

Cocktails. One of my RUM or GIN specialties (I think it is special, if you dont think so, it is your problem, not mine) . Since it is secret, i cant say it here. :P

10. What do you like about your best friend?

I dont know who my best friend is.  Not saying  I dont have wonderful friends, but no, I am not the one who believes in friendships and stuff. There are some things good in everyone. and equally bad things too. 

11. Whats the MOST favorite post A)written by you B) written by others? Share the link!

My post, : http://brainderanged.blogspot.in/2007/07/soul-mate.html 

Others post:  I dont know, i loved many of them, many of them amazing, but there is none which can be singled out over others!!

I am, supposed to tag 11 others, is what i understand. I dont think i will, i dont feel comfortable doing it. 

::

well. it was fun. Answering these.  

Bribing the Gods.

::

I have always wondered if GOD loves money. Well, with the recent developments, i understand that not only GOD loves money, he will do things for you if we bribe him/her well.

Basically we have to 'please' him. I Understand prayers as the least expensive and uncomplicated way to please him/her. So when someone prays, the GOD, which/who is omnipresent, hears the prayer, and becomes happy, and blesses the person. What i am surprised is his recent interest towards money. It is one thing, GOD did not, or could not, create. He has no access to money, so he has ways by which he makes we humans to deposit money to the places of worship.

The Karnataka Govt, are one of the recent victims of GOD's greed to money and attention. Its like the traffic police at the end of the month. You dont have a choice if they catch you, just bribe them and leave. So, seems like the month end for GOD, and he decided not to give monsoon to the Kannadigas. His plan worked, and amazingly well. 

Check out how his plan worked:  click here

Yes, only GOD can save this country.

::

I have always believed GOD, to be a human creation. No wonder, why he has emotions, why he has a big ego. And why, especially Indian Gods, are corrupt.

::

of Photographers and Cameramen.

::

I remember I bought my first digital camera at 15,000 bucks. well it was about 8 Megapixel, and it was the year 2007.Mobile cameras where not popular then, due to bad quality and the expenses.

5 years down the line, its had to find a camera without a mobile phone in it.

Being a techie who hates technology, every leap in technology scares me.  Men are becoming more of machines as we interact more with machines.

~ we talk more to our phones, than to our friends.
~ we see more LCD screens than our loved ones.
~ we touch a keyboard more than we touch ourselves.
~ we see the desktop more than we see our reflection in a mirror.

Last time, when I met with some of my friends, i checked out the time spent to talk to each other. I guess it was less than 50% of the total time spent, the rest was devoted to the smart phones everyone had. I am happy i dont have a smart phone, but i had my share of phone calls and text messages.

And then we have our cameramen. Who will shoot anything and everything they see. Photography  is fun. And when i saw people having fun shooting the lady being molested in the streets in Assam, I knew the time has come. People fail to see human beings in people. And When the footage was telecast-ed, I knew my worst fears has come true.

Well, people get molested. true. But at least for the sake of the girl, the media with the so - called - ethics could have refrained telecasting it. It is no fun watching a girl getting molested. If it is, if people have fun watching the clips, we are, for sure living in a very dangerous society.

We may not have to make terminator, we all may evolve to be one.
::

Complicated creations.

::

Learning Astronomy (And NOT astrology) was the turning point of my life.

The concept of big bang, speed of light, Black holes, Gravitational lensing.. Everything about the outer space was complex, everything was out of logic. Everything was hard to understand. Researchers had spent their life time to untangle the complicated network of unknowns in the universe and comes up with theories which has to be re written over and over again.

Well, coming back to earth, we have a similar creation. They are called women.

::

The social ANIMAL.

::


I love the animal life. 
If, we were to live like the animals, We dont have to buy playboy or spend money and time on porn. Everyone is naked anyway.


::


( And Dont jump into conclusions. Its not about ME watching porn, its about human beings, in general.)

Hypocrisy, Hatred and Internet.

::
The facebook supporters have this point - that it is the best way to spread your ideas. You click, you share, and the whole world knows about it. And yes, since the whole world as we know, are glued to this screen with faces in it, the whole world WILL know about it.

And this is what, i found recently in the social networking circles.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhd3PWZDaCQ

Well, at least in Keralite circles, her accent is notorious. I used to and still hate her presentation style. Its too irritating to watch her malayalam shows. Anyway since i dont watch any of them reality shows, I am not bothered much.

But, this video is too stupid. The girl, who ever she is, has the right to party, has the right to be with anyone she likes and do what ever she wants to in her life. Her getting drunk/smoke/party/have sex is her thing, her life and nothing for an average keralite to worry about. And there was nothing in the above video that she did to hate her as a show host, or anything in the video to hate her as a person.

And, most of the people, who hate her, are worried about the traditional culture !!!

So, if i were to take snaps of the private life of all these haters, and make a video like the one above, what will i see??

Pictures of people groping girls in bus, having  hardons by seeing the cleavage of a 60 year old lady, Flashing their hardons near womens colleges and schools, Jacking off  to porn everyday,  Installing hidden cams in bathrooms, abusing girls who walk the road, have extra marital affairs, Getting drunk every day, and then puke on the road and then sleep where ever they are, make fake facebook profiles and stalk girls, make stories of the girl who turned you down, and what not, the list grows on and on.


Judge not, lest ye be judged yourself.

I still hate to see her shows, but it is unfair and stupid to have a hate wave against her for her private life. If you dont like her shows, dont watch. And do something better than wasting your time to peep into someone elses personal life and count the number of cigarettes he/she smokes a day or the number of people the other person slept with.

Facebook spreads a lot of hate, and less of love and peace. I am sure i am right about this. At least this.

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cats and dogs.

::

So, if given a choice, to replace all the street dogs in Bangalore with cats, wont you be preferring it??

And you say dogs are better animals than cats !!!

::

of course, this is a question to the so called dog lovers, from a so called cat lover.

Looking back

::

My mind does not feel good now. In fact, it feels terrible. Sleepless nights, unsettling thoughts, and emptiness fills most of the neural paths. Well, it is normal, considering the circumstances and the environment i am with right now. 

Well, things were worse. Or had been worse. There were times when i saw death when i didnt want to see it, times when i tried to die when i didnt want to live. Times when i starved because i did not have money to buy food, times when I felt too lonely. Times when i could only see nightmares where i am stabbed or beheaded, times when i am guaranteed a nightmare every time i go to sleep. Times when i had not laughed from my heart for years. Times when i slept at the bus stands because i could not afford a cheap hotel. Times when I had payed a girl to just hug and sleep without sex. Times when I was scared or rather phobic of laughter and good times.  And the list can go on.

On the other side, most of the things i wanted, i had. Even though I had my lives struggle to get them. I had traveled well, I had stayed in expensive hotels. I had driven my car like crazy till all the adrenalin was consumed by blood. Times when i indulged in the most expensive spas, times when i had the best of fun in many pubs in different countries. Times when i drank like crazy, times when i slept well. Times when i really felt happy with someone. Times when some one said good things about me and actually meant them.

So when it goes up, it has to come down. What we dont normally remember, is, that it mostly goes up when it comes down too. 

Patience, is the most underrated. 

::

Filthy rich.

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Filthy rich, is what i want to be, right now. I dont remember any instance of my life till now when i wanted to be rich. What i wanted, always, was enough money to fill the petrol in my car, enough money to spend twice a week on the pubs i frequent, and enough money to afford a decent, small one bed room space and enough money to have food. May be a couple of head massages a month too. I am happy, i guess if i have these.

Now, i want to be filthy rich. rich, so that, i dont have to work. the things i do might remain the same, I may not visit london for my dinner and switzerland in summer. But the very fact that I have money in my account, should comfort me. Well, it WILL comfort me. I have not started to read idiots book or book for dummies on how to get rich, for obvious reasons that none of the rich guys around must have never read those. But, the seed for that thought is implanted by some devil i met at some point  of my life, and it reminds me of the couple of lines from my favourite Grateful dead song:

Set out runnin' but I take my time, a friend of the devil is a friend of mine,
If I get home before daylight, I just might get some sleep tonight.

Go watch ::
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XacvydVrhuI&feature=results_main&playnext=1&list=PLD92750DDDCFAE98A

Well, i may not become filthy rich, but I guess the desire is building up. And I do fear i will lose my waywardness, that I will lose myself. Well, blame it on the chemicals.

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Colours of the sky is no more dead.

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All right. I have decided to restart the sky blog. - Where I wanted to put up the astrophotographs i took.
http://coloursofsky.blogspot.in/

I have added a couple of old pics i took, may be around 2009, when i was doing well with astrophotographs. Hopefully, i will have the energy to update the blog at least once a month.

Better visit the site or else !!
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